| Co-parenting isn't easy. It's actually quite a chore. When | | | | table. When you listen to where the other parent is |
| neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, | | | | coming from, it will allow you to join forces. |
| the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting | | | | 3. Before deciding on a parenting style and direction, |
| style to the other. As a parent educator and family | | | | consult parenting books and classes. Now that you |
| therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused | | | | have looked at each other's parenting style, take a |
| children affected by their parents' inconsistent rules | | | | look together at good parenting books and the current |
| and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same | | | | research. Report back to each other and consider |
| roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is | | | | how your styles measure up. |
| that it is the parents' responsibility to create a balance. | | | | 4. Decide on a mutual parenting style. You now have |
| Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The | | | | several examples of parenting strategies and |
| differences can be as subtle as the setting of | | | | philosophies. Its time to blend what you believe with |
| bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for | | | | what your co-parent believes and what the experts |
| bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number | | | | say. This is the ultimate in negotiation but remember |
| of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might | | | | that if you do not negotiate at the adult level, it leaves |
| try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to | | | | your child to figure it out. Once you've decided, then |
| find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. | | | | write down the basics and embrace your new |
| These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the | | | | co-parenting style. |
| challenge of joining forces with another adult who was | | | | 5. Implement your new co-parenting style. Now you |
| raised by different parents and who may be select | | | | parent! Both parents are on the same page. Children |
| different strategies. | | | | are clear on what is expected of them and what the |
| So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear | | | | consequences are if they do not follow the family |
| and consistent, raise confident children, and feel | | | | expectations. Thus, it lessens the occasions of arguing |
| influential as parents? They learn how to work | | | | between the parents and the opportunities for |
| together and become better co-parents! Here are | | | | manipulation by the children. |
| several successful co-parenting steps. | | | | 6. Hold weekly co-parenting meetings with your |
| | | | spouse. Since you are the CEOs of your family and |
| 1. Identify your personal style and motivations. Your first | | | | are business partners in a very real way, you must |
| job in becoming a successful co-parent is to figure out | | | | stay in constant communication. The success or failure |
| your general style and motivations. If it were all up to | | | | of your family rests in your capable hands. Thus, |
| you, how would you parent? How would you motivate | | | | co-parenting meetings are a must! These meetings |
| your children? How would you use punishment and | | | | should include finances, home maintenance, parenting, |
| encouragement? What are the top 10 values you | | | | and relationship issues. Meetings should be held weekly |
| would like to teach your kids? Now ask yourself | | | | with schedule book, meeting journal and budget book in |
| WHY? Why would your style be that way? What is | | | | hand. Continue to review your parenting style. You |
| your motivation? How did your parents parent you? | | | | may find that one child thrives under your new system |
| Are you attempting to repeat their upbringing or | | | | while another loses balance. Good co-parents always |
| compensate for it? | | | | re-evaluate and restructure when necessary. |
| 2. Share your parenting style and motivation with your | | | | We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the |
| co-parent. I understand that you might feel vulnerable | | | | time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is |
| sharing your style and motivation. Your style may be | | | | big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. |
| different than your spouse's style. In order for you and | | | | Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and |
| your partner to co-parent successfully, you both need | | | | the conflict out of our lives. |
| to appreciate and support the ideas you bring to the | | | | |