| There are many stressors on teenagers. They range | | | | Both must agree. Write the contract out and both sign. |
| from the physical changes to the emotional changes | | | | This would allow both you and your child to voice out |
| to dealing with people, places and everything that | | | | feelings and thoughts. Both may not agree on the |
| surround them. As children pass through the teenage | | | | outcome of the conversation, but this will be a good |
| years, they have a general tendency to be | | | | start. Be specific with each point. Respect your teen's |
| disrespectful. Some of our children though have turned | | | | opinion, whether you like it or not. Let the teen talk. |
| into defiant teenagers. This may be a result of being | | | | 3. A situation may require a second or third |
| stressed by all the changes going on around them and | | | | conversation on the topic. Give your teen the chance |
| in them. They are also trying to grow up and be an | | | | to tell you what he or she is thinking instead of cutting |
| adult. All teens are working to be independent, at least | | | | off the conversation. Be patient. You are the parent. |
| by their standards. You can liken this individuation to | | | | 4. You may need some time to think through this |
| your job. You do not like your boss looking over your | | | | conversation. Come back to the teen with your |
| shoulder, criticizing you, or telling you what to do. You | | | | decision within 24 hours. |
| accept it because you are a mature adult. If you are | | | | 5. This is a reminder. Make sure you have set specific |
| the parent of a defiant teenager, learning how to | | | | and clear limits, boundaries, rules, consequences, |
| approach them successfully will make everybody's life | | | | rewards, and privileges for your teen. Explain them to |
| easier and smoother. Through dealing with this | | | | your teen carefully and calmly. You will have to remain |
| challenge efficiently, you will be able to see positive | | | | always calm. Your teen will most likely not remain calm |
| and effective results. | | | | or at the very least, there will be rolling of the eyes. |
| Here are a couple of methods with which parents can | | | | Don't let them get to you. When constructing the 'rules,' |
| deal with defiant teenagers. | | | | etcetera, consider your teen's thoughts and the age |
| 1. The first item to note is to avoid an aggressive | | | | appropriateness of the 'rules.' Do not set unreasonable |
| approach. It is human nature to defend against an | | | | rules, or consequences that you will not keep. Always |
| aggressive attack. Defiant teenagers can be very | | | | follow through. Create the 'rules' to be easy to |
| verbally aggressive. They often times, step close into | | | | understand and follow for both of you. Do not create |
| your physical comfort zone, like right next to your nose. | | | | these 'rules' when you are angry. |
| If you shout at the teen or you physically punish them, | | | | 6. Lastly, try to spend more time with your child. Get to |
| they will use that as another reason to see the parent | | | | know your teen all over again. Your teen has changed. |
| as the enemy, to continue this aggressive behavior, or | | | | Sometimes, all defiant teenagers need is understanding, |
| to behave increasingly aggressive. Decide that you will | | | | attention, and caring. As the teen grows in every way, |
| remain calm and steady during these incidents. | | | | your sternness can create the impression/perception |
| Practice patience and serenity in between these | | | | that you do not care. Make it a point to ask your child |
| situations. | | | | how he or she has been every now and then, even if |
| 2. Before a situation begins, set a contract with the | | | | he or she does not really tell you the answer. He/she |
| teenagers. Include in the contract that both the parent | | | | might actually tell you something sometime. |
| and the teen will remain calm and preferably seated | | | | The simple key is not just to see the negative. Defiant |
| during conversations. Further, include that if either gets | | | | teenagers actually present a great opportunity to |
| 'too heated' to talk, that person will be allowed to leave | | | | teach and instill values. The goal is a well-adjusted and |
| the room to calm down. State a time when the | | | | well-rounded adult. These incidents are an opportunity |
| conversation can continue, say tomorrow, in two hours, | | | | to shower your teen with extra love, attention, and |
| or in four hours. This contract is between both people. | | | | understanding. |