| My wife and I put no end of effort into managing our | | | | behavior, if indeed they even find there to be a |
| son day to day and into finding the methods that | | | | problem with that behavior. So, upfront, it's important to |
| would successfully change his aggressive behavior. | | | | get some insight and understanding of the possible |
| Home and family life is very different since we found | | | | causes before any solution can be found. |
| the solution and consistently applied the correct | | | | At the height of our son's misbehavior, he was |
| practices to bring about that change. Not surprisingly, | | | | diagnosed as having Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This |
| many of the key methods are based around the sort | | | | is a term that captures the intensity of his bad |
| of actions that are recommended by the experts in | | | | behavior towards us as parents, in particular. Such a |
| many available texts and articles. On the whole, all of | | | | description didn't really change much in our overall |
| these alternatives seem to have their roots in the | | | | approach, as we already knew that he was |
| same principles. They were principles that were | | | | excessively aggressive towards us. However, the |
| recommended to us in books, in counseling sessions | | | | counseling that led to that diagnose did deliver a few |
| and by friends, but they never seemed to have any | | | | new parenting methods that have proven to be |
| lasting impact on our son's behavior, if any whatsoever. | | | | successful for our child and us as parents. |
| Of course it's well documented that new rules will | | | | Having now engaged new counseling services, the |
| often even bring about a worsening in behavior when | | | | next most important step was to simply "chill out". This |
| first introduced -- something that, for parents, makes | | | | was a recognition of the problem and a recognition of |
| new practices that more difficult to stick too. So, we | | | | the fact that the intensity of our family life had built to a |
| did have small wins, but it was only when we found | | | | peak of frustration where our tolerance as parents |
| out just what worked with our child that all the pieces | | | | had diminished no end. Instead of remaining calm during |
| quickly fell into place, with improved behavior and a | | | | repeated requests that our child would ignore, our |
| more relaxed family life in general. | | | | patience had worn to the point where we knew any |
| Any parents in the same situation as we were should | | | | requests would be repeatedly ignored so we might as |
| first and foremost seek professional advice. That | | | | well cut to the chase and loose our tempers now |
| advice is available as a paid for service, but most | | | | rather than later. Certainly this was the case for my |
| importantly is often readily available as a free | | | | part. Over a period of 3 months since emigrating to |
| community service depending on where you live. We | | | | another country, we had slipped into a spiral of |
| have engaged in both paid for counseling and | | | | worsening behavior from our child and worsening |
| community support. Both experiences have taught us | | | | parent attempts at controlling it. Chilling out, recognizing |
| things, although not all of those things have proven | | | | the problem, taking a step back and a deep breathe |
| useful in bringing about the change. | | | | was essential. I don't mean merely as each incident |
| Professional help will of course not only give you | | | | occurs, but rather as a mindset shift that better |
| guidance and ideas about how to best mange your | | | | prepares you to at last bring about the changes that |
| defiant child. The experts will also be able to identify if | | | | you need. And very importantly, as parents you need |
| the root cause is more of a mental or medical issue | | | | to understand that the biggest required change is |
| affecting your child. Without doubt, they will also be | | | | probably going to be to your behavior. Only then can |
| observing you and your spouse (should you have a | | | | you bring about improvements to the behavior of your |
| partner). They will be looking to assess whether there | | | | child. |
| are any parental issues that have impacted the child's | | | | |