| There are many unconscious forces at work in every | | | | To appreciate consequences it is necessary to think |
| stage of a relationship that have the potential for | | | | through the potential outcomes of a choice. Since the |
| undermining your best efforts to sustain love if you are | | | | reactive part of the brain develops first, and the |
| not aware. Being fully aware is difficult and controlling | | | | responsible part of the brain last, an adolescent or |
| the outcome is impossible. You improve your chances | | | | young adult may not be developmentally mature |
| for success in making long-term choices if you can | | | | enough to anticipate negative consequences of the |
| uncover the unconscious biological and emotional | | | | choices being made. The way the information comes |
| forces that may be influencing you. In this article we'll | | | | into the adolescent or young adult brain, how the |
| look at brain development as a biological force that | | | | information is organized, and then ultimately responded |
| might be at play when you are making relationship | | | | to may be very different from a mature adult's |
| choices. | | | | response. |
| YOUR GRAY MATTER MATTERS | | | | What is only beginning to be understood is that human |
| Adolescence and young adulthood appears to be a | | | | brain circuitry and development doesn't reach full |
| very busy time for that gray matter beneath your skull. | | | | maturity on average until the early to mid-twenties. |
| Researchers are finding that our brains don't stop | | | | Some brain researchers estimate that the brain |
| developing until our mid-20s. Understanding how your | | | | matures at 20-21. Others estimate that it is closer to |
| brain develops might motivate you to change how and | | | | 25-26. These are the ages at which career and |
| when you make long-term relationship choices. When | | | | relationship decisions are being made that impact the |
| you're growing up there is a lot more going on than the | | | | rest of a person's life. And yet a person may not be |
| hormonal changes that have traditionally been | | | | fully equipped to manage their impulses and make |
| attributed to changes in teen behavior. | | | | good long-term choices until their brain reaches |
| The first areas of the brain to mature control basic | | | | maturity-perhaps as late as 26 years old. The parts of |
| functions such as processing the senses and | | | | the adolescent and young adult brain that controls |
| movement. Areas involved in spatial orientation and | | | | social activity and is related to emotions and |
| language follow. Areas with more advanced functions | | | | decision-making are still developing, making it difficult to |
| like integrating information from the senses, reasoning, | | | | process emotions, solve emotion-related tasks, and be |
| and other "executive" functions mature last. An adult | | | | discriminating in interpersonal communication. |
| brain is capable of carrying out a lot of executive | | | | Adolescents and young adults are often motivated by |
| functions like planning, goal-directed behavior, judgment, | | | | intense stimulation provided by exciting novel |
| and insight. These executive functions influence and | | | | experiences. This results in vulnerability to risky |
| manage the more emotional or reactive part of the | | | | behavior. Even so, it is possible to consciously control |
| brain, which is key to understanding behavior. | | | | impulses, especially in an environment where |
| This pattern of development results in more | | | | self-control and responsible behavior is expected and |
| spontaneous and less inhibited behavior in adolescents | | | | reinforced. |
| and young adults, creating a tendency to act | | | | WHAT DOES THIS MEAN IF YOU'RE OVER 25? |
| impulsively without regard to consequences. The brain | | | | Researchers are only beginning to understand brain |
| is changing rapidly and relationships matter a lot. | | | | development. If you're over 25 and wondering why this |
| Friends are often more important than family. What | | | | is important for you to know, we'd like to point out how |
| other people think of an adolescent is crucial to them. | | | | common it is for us to regress in our consciousness |
| Considerations are being made about the kind of | | | | when we're excited about a new relationship. When |
| person with whom to enter a committed partnership. It | | | | experiencing emotional intensity the executive |
| is even possible to meet and decide to enter a | | | | functioning part of our brain that controls our emotional |
| committed partnership or marry. While as an | | | | reactions can go on vacation. We often become giddy |
| adolescent or young adult you may appear to be | | | | adolescents again ignoring (or rationalizing) long-term |
| mature and have advanced intellectual and reasoning | | | | consequences. |
| ability, the link between your seat of judgment and | | | | If you are one of many adults who struggle to have a |
| problem-solving and the emotional center of your brain | | | | successful intimate relationship, it is possible that you |
| is the last connection to be fully established. This link is | | | | didn't learn the necessary skills while your brain was |
| crucial to emotional learning and self-regulation. | | | | developing. We hope that by being aware of these |
| And so an adolescent or young adult may not be as | | | | unconscious forces at work in your relationships that |
| mature as they and others sometimes think they are. | | | | you will be able to learn effective life and relationship |
| While they appear to be physically mature, their brain | | | | skills to manage your youthful impulsiveness. In |
| may in fact be still developing and important neural | | | | Conscious Dating we wish to understand and |
| connections necessary for adulthood are not yet | | | | acknowledge the role of our brain development in our |
| established. They may not appreciate consequences | | | | relationship choices and seek to balance our |
| or weigh information the same way as adults do. | | | | excitement in the moment with our long-term vision, |
| ROMANTIC LOVE AND RISKY BEHAVIOR | | | | goals, needs, and requirements. |