| Parenting techniques can definitely be very different! | | | | accept my word as an answer - the eldest pushes it |
| There is a fairly large age difference between my | | | | sometimes, but that is just the age of the child. |
| wife and I - some 14 years and therefore some of her | | | | Sometimes she will not like the answer she gets from |
| techniques I find new and confusing. I was brought up | | | | me so will go to her mom, and 9 times out of 10, |
| by parents who were very strict, they were brought | | | | working as a team her mom will reiterate my answer. |
| up in the war by parents who had been brought up by | | | | The odd time this doesn't happen, is because my wife |
| Victorian parents. That, I think, is why my parenting is | | | | is busy with other things or has not had chance to |
| so different to my wife's. I do not believe in capital | | | | speak to me or does not realise I have already given |
| punishment, but I do believe in manners and in children | | | | an answer. It is also the same on the flip side, in so |
| learning the benefits of being independent. | | | | much as I will be asked if the older child does not like |
| Whereas my wife would gladly clear up after the | | | | the answer her mom has given - again she is met with |
| children, I believe that if they have made the mess then | | | | a unified front. |
| they should clear it up! When I first moved into the | | | | Our differing styles have caused friction, but some of |
| household the children were obviously a lot younger, | | | | that has to do with my wife and I still learning to |
| but my wife would clear up after them, because it | | | | understand each other. The rest has to do with how |
| was easier than the tantrums of children who did not | | | | we were brought up and the age difference. I do |
| want to clear up. This came, in my opinion, from my | | | | believe that I have become a better parent from what |
| wife having spent a long time as a single parent. When | | | | I have learnt from my wife, but I also think that my |
| you parent on your own, the last thing you want is | | | | wife has changed as a parent and taken on some of |
| upset children and this made for an easier life. Now | | | | my style and become more firm with the children and |
| that we can work as a team and back each other up, | | | | less likely to do things herself or give in for "a quiet life"! |
| the children have a stronger message and a more | | | | One thing I love about children, is watching them |
| united instruction, so to speak. | | | | explore the world and learn as they go along, which is |
| I came into the home as an inexperienced step parent | | | | why I am not an over protective parent. So long as I |
| - I have lived, in the past, with a single mom and her | | | | am within easy reach for them, I am more than happy |
| child, but this was the first time I had met a woman | | | | to let them discover the world for themselves. The |
| who was happy for me to be an equal parent and | | | | smile that comes from a seemingly small discovery, |
| wanted me to help with parenting as part of a | | | | like the fact that if they let go of your hands in a |
| parenting team. Due to my inexperience, my style of | | | | swimming pool whilst wearing a rubber ring, they will |
| parenting was not the best - I was learning from my | | | | not go under. When our youngest discovered this after |
| wife's example. I think that this has made me a better | | | | lots of coaxing, he laughed and he smiled and he'd |
| parent. She is not afraid to tell me when I am going | | | | gone - off on his own. The joy of learning lit up his |
| wrong and coach me in the art of parenting. I have | | | | face. If he had panicked or the smile had disappeared |
| changed my style to suit my wife. Coming into a family | | | | or he had needed me, I would have been there to help |
| where children are already learning how life is, you | | | | - the fact was he didn't need me, probably didn't want |
| have to adapt to how they have been brought up by | | | | me there, wanting instead to be independent and enjoy |
| their parents and grand parents. If I had had my own | | | | learning to swim, without the nagging of a parent |
| children with my exes, then I probably would have | | | | constantly trying to make him let go, or constantly |
| parented in a much different way. Coming into such a | | | | asking if he was okay. |
| young family, with a woman with a much younger | | | | My parents were always busy with something - my |
| mind, who had been brought up by parents just a | | | | mom would bring work home that she hadn't had |
| decade older than me, has made me think in a | | | | chance to finish during the day, and my dad had things |
| completely different way and approach the ideals and | | | | he did outside of the home, or he would be busy in the |
| methods of parenting in a completely different manner. | | | | garage with projects my mom had given him!!! I had to |
| We are lucky, our 3 children are very well behaved. | | | | amuse myself, and if I wanted their attention then I had |
| They know good manners, they have learnt that if | | | | to wait for a suitable opportunity. I don't expect our |
| they get toys out, then they put them away (to be fair | | | | children to be like this, but as with all adults, I expect |
| the 3 and 4 year old are best at this) and they do not | | | | respect to the point that if I am talking to someone |
| have tantrums any more. We get the odd occurrence | | | | they wait, and if I am busy doing something then they |
| of tears over something and nothing, but it soon dies | | | | wait for me to give them my full attention when asked |
| away. I believe that some of this is down to the mix of | | | | to. I do not reject their every question, but at times |
| styles that my wife and I display. As she says our | | | | when I need to finish something, I will ask them to give |
| styles compliment each other. The other thing that they | | | | me a moment, before responding. Respect works |
| have learnt is the counting method, where we count to | | | | both ways. |
| 3 and they have to act - they have all got this now | | | | I do think that we have a balanced parenting style, and |
| and all respond - if they don't then they take their | | | | that the kids get the best of both worlds - they benefit |
| punishment. We never threaten a punishment we | | | | from my wife's more relaxed style, but learn from my |
| cannot carry out and it is always carried out. It usually | | | | different more "old fashioned" style of parenting, and |
| involves losing a privilege. I was a manager for 20 | | | | we compliment each other as near to a harmony as |
| years and one of the things I was taught in the | | | | one can get. I think that my style leans more toward |
| management courses I did, was "The Hot Oven | | | | me applying my parents methods in a more relaxed |
| Principle". That is that discipline is like a hot oven - it | | | | manner - I guess my thinking is that I didn't turn out too |
| doesn't matter who touches it, they always get burnt. I | | | | bad and therefore my parents can't have done a bad |
| think this can be applied to parenting, especially when | | | | job. |
| there are many children involved. Maybe I apply too | | | | The one thing that matters as a parent though, as my |
| many management principles to my parenting, and that | | | | wife says, is that you love your children and support |
| is why my parenting technique is so black and white!!! I | | | | them no matter what, and let them turn into the |
| do have trouble "getting" leniency in some scenarios, | | | | individuals that they will become. My wife's ex |
| taking into account, what has happened during the | | | | mother-in-law always compliments us on what a credit |
| child's day, how they are feeling (they may be teething | | | | the children are to us. I think that is absolutely incredible, |
| or sickening for something) etc. | | | | given the situation, and I know that with our continued |
| I have bonded well with the children and they do see | | | | teamwork and parenting effort, our children will grow |
| me as a father figure. They come to me with their | | | | up to be incredible adults and continue to be a credit to |
| problems, we play together, we have fun, we dance, | | | | us. We are so very proud of them and are looking |
| we enjoy each other, and on the same note they | | | | forward to seeing them as adults. |