| It's been said, time and again, that for a child to learn | | | | Again, I hear, "But this is different."I ask. "He will be going |
| what is most important, he must be shown the lessons | | | | to school for the next eleven to thirteen years, not |
| through example, not through words. And, if we are to | | | | counting college. And, I'm sure that you'll make him go, |
| nurture certain traits within our children, we must first | | | | even on those days when he doesn't want to. You will |
| develop those traits in ourselves. | | | | have all the right reasons to explain to him why this is |
| I've been teaching martial arts to children for a decade | | | | important, right? No sir, this is no different. It is exactly |
| and a half and I've discovered something amazing | | | | the same. And, if its important for your child to learn |
| about children - they want to learn what is expected | | | | the lessons you brought him here to learn, it's less |
| of them. For all of the 'button-pushing,' resistance to | | | | important whether he likes it or not. And, as for him not |
| your wishes and what-not, children want to know the | | | | knowing what he wants, that's what we as parents |
| rules and have a deep-down, almost inherent, need to | | | | and teachers are here for, isn't it. To guide, provide |
| "do it right." | | | | opportunities and to give our children what they need, |
| Unfortunately, I've also discovered that many of the | | | | even if it's not what they want." |
| parents who bring their children to our programs live by | | | | "How?," |
| two deep-seated desires. And even though they | | | | The actress Bette Davis was quoted as saying, "If you |
| express their wishes for their child to develop more | | | | have never been hated by your child you have never |
| confidence, discipline, and respect - not to mention the | | | | been a parent." I believe this because I believe that my |
| ability to protect themselves from the dangers that | | | | job is not to be my child's friend, but to be his guide, |
| they know exist in the world, they will almost always | | | | mentor, and teacher for handling the challenges of life. |
| default to these desires, even though it means that | | | | If I don't, then who will? And besides, there's plenty of |
| their child may never develop these important traits | | | | time to be his or her friend after they have grown to |
| and abilities. | | | | adulthood, had the same experiences in the world, and |
| What are these desires? | | | | can relate on an adult level. There is a huge difference |
| 1) That their child is never angry at them, and, | | | | between being 'friendly' and being 'friends.' |
| 2) that they never want to have to say "no." | | | | To many, I'm sure that all of this seems harsh and |
| Is this true about all parents? No, of course not. But it is | | | | many, I'm certain, have already stopped reading |
| true about many. | | | | altogether. My point is simple. We, as parents and |
| Even without these words being spoken, the message | | | | teachers are teaching your children regardless of |
| is plain and clear when it comes in the following forms: | | | | whether we open our mouths and say the words in |
| "She doesn't want to come to class and I don't want | | | | the lesson or not. |
| to force her." I say. "And why not?", comes the reply. "I | | | | If we're to teach our children to do what's important, |
| don't understand."I add, "don't you make her do other | | | | not just what feels good... |
| things that she doesn't want to do?" "I'm sure you | | | | ...if we are to teach them the value of committing to a |
| make her brush her teeth daily, go to school even | | | | worthwhile endeavor because it's worthwhile, not just |
| when she says she doesn't want to, and probably a | | | | because it's easy or convenient... |
| dozen or so more things every day, don't you?"is often | | | | ...if we're to teach them to not be quitters in the game |
| the reply. | | | | of life... |
| "Really," | | | | ...we must instill the lessons whether they like us for it |
| 'Excuse me?" | | | | or not. |
| "Well," | | | | How else can we possibly teach, and have our |
| "Yes, but that's different," | | | | children practice, things like commitment if we never |
| "Different?" I ask, "how so?" "Don't you think this is | | | | provide the opportunities for them to commit or allow |
| important?" "Isn't it still as important today, as the day | | | | them to quit because something's not fun? When was |
| you brought her in and said she needed to be | | | | the last time our creditors allowed us to stop paying |
| confident and learn to protect herself?" | | | | our bills because doing so wasn't fun? |
| Here's another one that my staff and I hear regularly. | | | | Edward, the English monarch once commented in a |
| "I'm not going to commit my son to a year (or three | | | | condescending way that we have the troubles we do |
| year) program. That's too long for someone his age. | | | | because American parents obey their children instead |
| He doesn't know what he wants" | | | | of the other way around. After a decade and a half of |
| Again, my response is that the parent is missing | | | | watching and helping parents to help their children, I |
| something in the logic, if it's logic that's driving at all. | | | | don't know if he's right but I do know that, the parents |
| "Is your child in school?", I ask. | | | | who are most committed to their child's development, |
| "Of course," comes the reply. | | | | regardless of the daily whims of the child - this entity |
| "So you do think that an education is important and will | | | | who is changing so rapidly that they don't want the |
| take a considerable amount of time to prepare your | | | | same things from moment-to-moment, let alone from |
| son for the real world?" | | | | year-to-year - usually have much more successful |
| "Yes. I don't see what that has to do with karate | | | | adults to be proud of when their children grow up. It is |
| classes." | | | | those who commit to teaching commitment, and a |
| "It has everything to do with karate classes, because | | | | hundred other lessons, who are blessed with a child |
| this is an education too. One that your son won't get in | | | | grown to adulthood who can commit to themselves |
| school or out of a text book. And, what he learns here | | | | and others and who can be counted on to 'be there' |
| in the way of confidence, discipline, pride, respect, and | | | | when the going gets tough. |
| the ability to stand up for what is right, will affect every | | | | Can you imagine? What a world we would live in if all |
| other part of his life, for the rest of his life." | | | | those we met were such a person as this. |