| Divorce is rarely a painless process and is frequently a | | | | like to happen. In most cases their first answer will be |
| time when emotions are running high and there is a | | | | to say that they would rather you didn't divorce at all, |
| great deal on anger in the air. The way in which | | | | but you'll often find that children can be surprisingly |
| parents deal with anger and hostility is critical for the | | | | realistic and know only too well that, whatever they |
| wellbeing of the children in both the short and long | | | | want, this isn't going to happen. |
| term. | | | | Allowing your children to express their feeling and |
| There can be few things in life as traumatic as a | | | | giving them a degree of control over events can be |
| divorce bringing with it a mixture of feelings including | | | | extremely helpful for the children and can also help you |
| anger, betrayal, confusion and uncertainty. It is a time of | | | | to make decisions which will not cause additional |
| high emotion and often considerable change as living | | | | problems further down the line. |
| conditions are altered, finances are affected and | | | | While it would be nice to think that feelings of anger |
| normal routines are upset. | | | | and hostility are confined to yourself and your spouse |
| Divorce is rarely a painless process but, in all cases, it | | | | during a divorce, your children will also experience a |
| is vital that throughout the process the interests of any | | | | range of negative feelings during a divorce and they |
| children are protected and there are many things that | | | | too will be angry and often disappointed. These |
| parents can do to smooth the path for their children as | | | | feelings need to be recognized and children need to |
| they move through a divorce. | | | | have an outlet for them. It's important therefore that |
| There is often a great deal of anger between the | | | | they are allowed to express these feelings and that |
| parents during a divorce and the first thing to realize is | | | | you give them a sympathetic ear and help them to |
| that trying to pretend that such anger doesn't exist for | | | | work their way through their emotions. |
| the sake of the children is not the solution. The children | | | | When your son screams at you saying "I hate you!" it's |
| will be more than aware of the tension between the | | | | very easy to try to calm the situation with a reply such |
| two of you and you simply insult their intelligence if you | | | | as "you don't really mean that", but is this really helpful? |
| try to pretend that it doesn't exist. This said, it is the | | | | At that particular moment he probably does feel that |
| manner in which you handle your anger that is most | | | | he hates you and, having expressed his feelings, he |
| important for the children. | | | | now needs your help to understand just why he feels |
| It is vitally important that the children understand that | | | | that way and how to resolve the issue. |
| you are angry with each other and not with them and | | | | There are many practical issues that need to be |
| equally important that they understand that they are | | | | resolved during a divorce and in many cases parents |
| not the cause of this anger. Children will often feel that | | | | tend to focus their attention on these and see these |
| they have in some way caused the problem between | | | | as being the potential cause of damage to the children. |
| you and your spouse and it is important that they are | | | | In reality however children are remarkably adaptable |
| told that this is not the case. | | | | and resilient and it is rarely the solutions that you agree |
| With emotions running high it is easy to allow your | | | | to the practical problems of life that cause problems in |
| anger to spill over onto the children and even to find | | | | the longer term. |
| yourself starting to drag the children into arguments | | | | However, the manner in which you resolve the many |
| between you and your spouse. In some cases you | | | | issues to be addresses will affect the outcome and |
| might even be tempted to use the children as | | | | can cause considerable damage in both the short and |
| bargaining chips or to exact some form of revenge. | | | | long term. Whatever the problems between you and |
| This should be avoided at all costs. | | | | you spouse, these must remain between the two of |
| Whatever disagreements you have with your spouse | | | | you and be resolved out of the sight and hearing of |
| during your divorce, whether they are about money, | | | | the children or, if they can't be resolved, must be put to |
| living arrangements, child custody or anything else, you | | | | one side. |
| should work through these issues between yourselves | | | | Even if you can no longer live together as husband |
| and away from the children. | | | | and wife you must still retain at least a working |
| This said, if the children are old enough, then their views | | | | relationship with one another as parents and must find |
| should certainly be taken into account during any | | | | a way to allow each other to fulfill their role as a |
| discussion between you and your spouse. It can be | | | | parent and give the children the love and support that |
| extremely helpful to ask the children what they would | | | | they need. |