Being a Happy Parent

tingeveryone but yourself. How can they learn to take
Do your children see you as happy and peaceful, orcare of themselves if you are not taking care of
do they see you as angry, depressed, oryourselves?”
overburdened? Learn how important it is to goodMany parents take care of externals: they keep the
parenting for you to learn to take emotionalhouse clean, they are on time, they pay their bills, and
responsibility for your own feelings. When you werethey earn money. Some parents even take care of
growing up, did you ever wish that your parents weretheir physical health by eating well and getting enough
happy? Did you feel safe when they were happy andexercise. But many parents fail to take care of their
peaceful?emotional wellbeing.
My mother was rarely a happy person. Most of theTaking care of your emotional wellbeing means that
time she was anxious, angry and felt overburdened,you recognize that you cause your own feelings with
even though I was her only child. She rarely laughedyour thoughts and actions. When you think and behave
and was often upset with me, or my father. Clearly,in ways that are unloving to yourself or others
she made both of us responsible for her happiness— that are not in your highest good - you will be
and we consistently fell short.unhappy. When you think and behave in ways that are
I would have given anything to have had a happyloving to yourself and others — that are in your
mother — a mother who knew how to takehighest good - you will be happy. Your positive or
responsibility for her own happiness and pain. I wouldnegative emotions are completely the result of your
have loved to have had a mother who showed meown thoughts and actions.
how to take loving care of myself instead showing meIf you operate from the belief that how your children
how to be an unhappy martyr.act, or how your partner acts, or how your external life
Often, in my counseling work with parents, I ask themis, causes your feelings, then you are operating as a
if their parents were happy. Most of the time they sayvictim. As a victim, your happiness is dependent upon
no. I ask them if they wanted their parents to beothers doing what you want them to do and on getting
happy and invariably they say, “Yes, I would havethe outcomes you want. If this is your belief system,
loved it.” Yet these same parents are not takingthen you are teaching your children to be victims.
responsibility for making themselves happy now. TheyTaking emotional responsibility means staying tuned
are acting just like their parents — anxious,into your own feelings and immediately shifting your
angry, depressed, withdrawn, resistant, or compliant.thought process and actions when you are feeling
They are controlling with each other or with theirnegative feelings. It means that you learn to access a
children in the same ways their parents werespiritual source of inner guidance to help you know
controlling.how to take loving care of yourself. You need to learn
“As parents,” I say to them, “it is yourto turn to your spiritual guidance to help you think the
responsibility to learn how to make yourselves happythoughts and take the actions that are true and in
so you can be role models for your children. How canharmony with your soul, rather than operating from the
your children learn how to take emotional responsibilityfalse beliefs that cause you pain.
if you don’t? Right now, you are role modelingDo not kid yourself into thinking that as long as you are
being a victim of your circumstances instead of beingthere for your children you are being good parents.
an emotionally responsible adult. You are using yourYou also need to learn to be there for yourself so that
anger, upsets and unhappiness to control your children,you can be a happy and peaceful parent.
or you are putting yourself aside to take care of