| How does one keep calm when parenting? After 15 | | | | when frightened, try standing your ground. Over time, |
| years of counseling, I have found that no matter what | | | | the negative responses will decrease as you create |
| parenting strategies are applied, keeping emotionally | | | | new patterns. |
| balanced is key to family mental health. Anger | | | | 5. Take a deep breath! Yes, it’s true. Breathing |
| management, for example, provides parents the calm | | | | brings oxygen to the brain, which, in turn, tells the body |
| that they need to make better parenting choices and | | | | it’s safe. Deep, slow breathing mimics the |
| avoid creating family crises. Angry outbursts can | | | | body’s resting state. As you control your breathing, |
| rupture family relationships that matter most. A | | | | you bring calm to yourself. By taking 10 deep breaths |
| parent’s influence over his child is only as good as | | | | when upset, you can think more clearly. |
| their relationship. So although some emotional crises | | | | 6. Stay in the present. Whether you lament the past or |
| can be repaired, why repair them when they can be | | | | worry about the future, learning to cope in the here |
| avoided. Emotional change only occurs through a | | | | and now is essential. Worries about the past or the |
| conscious effort focused on the way we think and the | | | | future can derail parents from dealing with their |
| way we behave. | | | | children. We can really only control the present. It |
| To help gain control of your anger, follow these ten | | | | deserves our best energy. |
| steps: | | | | 7. Speak for yourself. Remember that the “I |
| 1. Take responsibility for your actions. Feelings do not | | | | feel” statement is more than counselor speak! It |
| justify behavior. For example, anger does not | | | | keeps YOU in control. Blaming others for your feelings |
| automatically equal yelling. Sadness does not | | | | by saying, “You make me feel angry,” is like |
| necessarily equal withdrawal. Our feelings should not | | | | handing them your emotional reins. |
| dictate behavior. Next time you feel angry, stressed or | | | | 8. Get perspective on situations over which you have |
| depressed, choose a less invasive behavior. | | | | little control. Weigh the intensity of your feelings against |
| 2. Be aware of the ways in which you instantaneously | | | | your power in a situation. In parenting, for example, we |
| react to your child. Over a lifetime, you have created | | | | might feel irritated over our children’s grades. Our |
| patterns that dictate the ways in which you respond to | | | | irritation may be high but our power over the situation |
| certain situations. In order to change them, you need to | | | | may be low. The disparity is a misuse of emotional |
| become aware of those patterns. There are many | | | | energy. Evaluating your power to bring about change |
| visual reminders you can use to awaken yourself | | | | can help prioritize action and eliminate some concerns. |
| when you are falling into old patterns like wearing a | | | | 9. Ask for help. Managing your emotions isn’t easy. |
| special ring or putting stickers around your house. | | | | Sometimes parents need individual help. Hiring a family |
| Awareness leads to the ability to change. | | | | therapist is an excellent way to receive assistance |
| 3. Stop before you act. We move at the speed of | | | | designed just for you. Whether it is a one-time |
| light! Our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are | | | | consultation or ongoing counseling, the pay-off can be |
| automatic. The “stop” technique is a great tool | | | | big. |
| that can put a halt to negative responses. Literally | | | | 10. Reach out for resources. If you have a parenting |
| saying “stop” interrupts your pattern of behavior | | | | book by your bedside, an audio-class on your MP3 or |
| and gives you time to think and do something | | | | CD player, and a top 10 list stuck to your refrigerator, |
| differently. Do this repeatedly and form a new pattern! | | | | then change is close at hand! |
| 4. Replace negative thinking and behavior with | | | | |
| something new. Instead of attacking when angry, try | | | | Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group - Reprints |
| sitting down and breathing calmly. Instead of running | | | | Accepted - Two links must be active in the bio. |