| 1) Ask about their success rates. A quality program | | | | situation. We've all heard it before, but doing the same |
| should have a systematic way of measuring success | | | | thing and expecting different results is the definition of |
| and should be able to provide information to interested | | | | insanity. Stop banging your head against a wall and get |
| parents about that success. If a school is reluctant | | | | help. |
| about telling you their success rates or can only | | | | 7) Understand that you don't always get what you pay |
| provide anecdotal evidence of program effectiveness, | | | | for. Although typically true for most consumer |
| this is a fairly good indicator that the results aren't too | | | | products, price does not always reflect quality in the |
| impressive. If you are quoted a statistic, be sure you | | | | troubled teen help industry. Make sure you understand |
| understand what the number means. Some schools | | | | what you are paying for. Many high quality programs |
| define success in very loose terms. Often "success" | | | | are in the range of $3,000-$4,000/month. Paying |
| actually means "lack of failure," or simply that a | | | | thousands more per month isn't necessarily going to |
| graduate hasn't been arrested since leaving the | | | | change your child's behavior any better or faster. You |
| program. | | | | may be making someone else rich however and |
| 2) Talk with some parents with a teen in the program. | | | | paying for services that fuel your teen's sense of |
| Talking with a parent who has had direct experience | | | | entitlement. On the other hand, if you've found a |
| with a program will ensure that you don't get swindled | | | | program that claims to offer services similar to more |
| by a fast-talking salesperson. If a school is confident | | | | expensive facilities for under $2,500/month, it's |
| about the service they are delivering to their current | | | | probably too good to be true. |
| clients, they should be happy to allow you to speak | | | | 8) Look for a program that involves the whole family. |
| with them. If they make excuses or claim that they | | | | A family is a system. When one part of a system has |
| want to protect the anonymity of their clients, you can | | | | a problem, it affects other parts in the system. In fact, |
| rest assured they are bluffing. If a program works, it | | | | most problems within a system involve the interaction |
| will have plenty of support from parents who have | | | | of two or more parts. The family is no different. It is |
| had a good experience with it. | | | | vital that parents and even siblings where possible get |
| 3) Take a tour of the program(s) you are considering. | | | | involved in the change process. If your child comes |
| This will give you an opportunity to assess the | | | | home to a broken system, the changes they have |
| adequacy of the facilities, the professionalism and | | | | made, however significant, will probably be short-lived. |
| competency of the staff, and most importantly, the | | | | Be willing to accept that you may be part of the |
| contrast between new students and soon-to-be | | | | problem and be willing to make the changes you need |
| graduates. When viewing the facilities, remember that | | | | to in your own life. A successful program should offer |
| you don't want a hotel (your child needs a reason to | | | | services that allow family members to work on |
| want to come home) but you don't want rundown | | | | individual issues as well as relationship problems. This |
| buildings either. Something that is basic yet clean and | | | | might be accomplished through parenting courses, |
| tolerable is a good balance. Try to get a sense of the | | | | family therapy, seminars, etc. |
| program's philosophy of change when talking with the | | | | 9) Don't tell your child you are going to put them in a |
| staff and also watch to see how the staff members | | | | program--unless of course you enjoy inviting |
| interact with the students. The soon-to-be graduates | | | | unnecessary drama into your life. If you have made a |
| can provide a good example of what the program is | | | | decision to place your child in a treatment program, or |
| capable of helping their students create. To take a tour | | | | even if you are only considering doing so, it's best to |
| of several troubled teen treatment facilities across the | | | | keep it to yourself. Very few teens will be in favor of |
| United States visit | | | | such a decision, so breaking the news early just |
| 4) Don't base your decision on either pure emotion or | | | | makes your life miserable since you now have |
| logic. Avoid the tendency to overreact to an emotional | | | | created a situation where your teen feels it is |
| situation. If your teen's behavior represents a | | | | necessary to manipulate you into changing your mind. |
| consistent problem, now may be the time to act. | | | | Your teen should not be part of the decision making |
| However, make that determination when you have | | | | process since he or she is already demonstrating the |
| returned to a stable state of mind. On the other hand, | | | | inability to make responsible choices. Discussing this |
| choosing a program for a teen requires more than | | | | decision with your teen may also encourage your child |
| simply weighing the pros and cons. Choose a program | | | | to run away or "live it up" like the end of the world has |
| that makes sense that you can also feel good about. | | | | been announced. |
| 5) Don't tell yourself that ignoring the problem will make | | | | 10) Remember that just because you have a troubled |
| it go away. Although some problems may go away on | | | | teen doesn't mean that you are a bad parent. Children |
| their own with time, serious behavioral and emotional | | | | don't come with a manual and each is unique in the |
| problems in adolescents may appear dormant for a | | | | challenges they bring to parenting. Yes, you probably |
| time, but will always resurface if allowed to continue | | | | made some mistakes along the way, but dwelling on |
| unresolved. If the voice inside you is telling you it's time | | | | your guilt for the way your child is behaving is |
| to stop pretending that your child doesn't have a | | | | senseless and will not help solve the problem. Shift |
| problem, you should probably listen. | | | | your focus to what you can learn in order to bring your |
| 6) If it isn't working, stop doing it! If it has become clear | | | | child back, and never stop loving them. Your love and |
| that your attempts to control your child's behavior are | | | | commitment to your child is ultimately the key to |
| not working, it's time to stop and reevaluate the | | | | helping them reverse their self-destructive lifestyle. |