| Very few people go into marriage and begin raising a | | | | age-appropriate books on divorce which you can read |
| family thinking that they will divorce, but the reality of | | | | to and discuss with your children. You and your |
| US family life in the 21st century is that the majority of | | | | spouse should have an adult conversation and come |
| marriages end in divorce. And for divorcing couples | | | | to an agreement about how you intend to share time |
| with children, the children all too often end up in the | | | | with the kids. Make sure your spouse knows that the |
| middle of their parents' power struggle. Too many | | | | time you spend with the kids is very important to you, |
| couples let their negative feelings towards each other | | | | and that you know his or her time with them is equally |
| influence their parenting at the very time when their | | | | important. Devise a fair and workable schedule as |
| children need them most, using children as weapons in | | | | early into the separation as you can, and stick to it. |
| a custody battle, or trying to win their favor by verbally | | | | Your children will need consistency from you now |
| trashing the other parent. Children facing divorce are | | | | more than ever. Find positive things to say about your |
| already facing a possible change in their financial | | | | kids' next visit with their other parent; let them feel |
| circumstances, the likelihood that they will be seeing | | | | good about leaving you even if you don't feel good |
| one of their parents only at intervals, and that the | | | | about it. When you drop your kids off, or they are |
| activities which they enjoyed with that parent will be | | | | picked up, be pleasant with your ex and leave your |
| happening much less often. No one expects a couple | | | | mutual problems for a private discussion. If your child is |
| to go though a divorce without conflict, but one of their | | | | having difficulty with the other parent, listen to what he |
| jobs as parents is to manage their conflict in a | | | | or she is telling you, and do not intervene unless you |
| responsible way so that its effect on their children is | | | | think abuse is a real possibility. Let your kids learn to |
| minimized. Even if they agree on nothing else, divorcing | | | | deal directly with their other parent. If one of you has |
| parents can attempt to develop a shared parenting | | | | to change plans for a schedule visit for unavoidable |
| style which eases their children's transition into their | | | | reasons, let the other know in plenty of time, and try to |
| post-divorce life. As soon as you know that divorce is | | | | remain open to switching visiting times occasionally to |
| in your future, you can begin preparing for its effect on | | | | help each other out. And never, ever use your kids as |
| your children by taking a class on parenting and | | | | surrogate spouses, confiding in them inappropriately; |
| divorce, and how to avoid putting your children in the | | | | and do not ask them to break a confidence which |
| middle of the conflict. Your local family services | | | | they have with your ex, or to be a go-between for the |
| agency will have information about local classes. You | | | | two of you when you are too angry to talk directly |
| can also look for some of the many excellent | | | | with each other. |