| Do you remember that phase in your child's life when | | | | you encourage independence and responsibility. |
| all you heard was "I want to do it!"? You're in a hurry, | | | | Build in Life Skills through Routines |
| and you want to help your child get dressed, but your | | | | Routines give your child practice and repetition. If, for |
| two or three year old will have no part of that. You | | | | instance, the after school routine includes putting away |
| must wait for 15 minutes while she masters the socks | | | | the lunch box and coat, having a snack, and doing |
| and shoes. Your helpful child, at this age, wants to take | | | | homework, your child learns responsibility as a way of |
| out the trash, put away the silverware, bake cookies, | | | | life. If you want your child to have good personal |
| and clean the bathroom. What on Earth happens to | | | | grooming skills, build brushing hair and teeth, and |
| this independent child? | | | | washing face into a morning and bedtime routine. |
| Not all children, but many, shift into a new phase. | | | | When a child does the same thing over and over, he |
| Picking up their toys is a dreadful task. Playing is so | | | | learns independence without even thinking about it. |
| much more important than doing homework. Getting | | | | Let Children Fall Down and Experience the |
| them to hang up their coat or make their bed is like | | | | Consequences |
| pulling their two front teeth. In the teenage years, you | | | | Resist the urge to be a helicopter parent and hover |
| get another glimpse of independence, but it's not | | | | over your child. Life is full of opportunities to succeed |
| exactly in the areas you might want. Teenagers insist | | | | and make mistakes. The lesson is reinforced and |
| they have all their academics, social relationships, and | | | | learning takes place when children are allowed to |
| life in general, under control. You may think differently, | | | | make mistakes. If your child makes a bad choice, let |
| but who are you? To a teenager, you're just an old | | | | him experience the natural or imposed consequences. |
| fashioned and unintelligent parent. | | | | A "D" or an "F" on an exam sends a very clear |
| Regardless of what children may want or think they | | | | message that the child needs to study harder. The |
| need, parents have a job to teach responsibility and | | | | effect is not the same when you are hounding your |
| independence. It is a lifelong commitment that isn't | | | | child to study so she doesn't fail. When your child |
| always so easy, but here are some tips to keep you | | | | makes the choice to extend his curfew by an hour, he |
| on track. | | | | loses the privilege of going out the next weekend. |
| Encourage Independence by Refusing to Step In | | | | Guaranteed he will think twice before staying out late |
| When your child reaches an age to take on an | | | | the next time. |
| age-appropriate activity, show your child how to do it, | | | | Coach your Children towards Independence and |
| then let go and let your child struggle. It can be hard to | | | | Responsibility |
| watch children fight with their shoelaces, or stumble | | | | When your child is faced with a future or past decision, |
| over their words in a new friendship, but it is in these | | | | ask a lot of open ended questions that encourage |
| moments that children are learning. The joy they feel | | | | your child to think for himself. "What do you think you |
| when they gain a little more independence can be very | | | | should say to your friend?" "What could you have |
| rewarding, and a strong motivator to try new tasks in | | | | done differently in this situation?" Giving advice teaches |
| the future. | | | | your children what you want and what you think is |
| Believe in Your Child | | | | best. Coaching your children supports them in |
| Children need to know you believe in them. Encourage | | | | developing good decision making skills, and honoring |
| your children with positive words such as, "You are a | | | | what is best for them. It's okay if they don't make the |
| smart girl. You can figure this out." Teach your children | | | | best choice. Live and learn. |
| to think positively about themselves by modeling this | | | | The goal in raising children is not to protect them from |
| behavior in yourself. The Little Blue Engine didn't give up | | | | pain or undesirable circumstances, but to equip them |
| and the reward was confidence. Confidence builds on | | | | with what they need to be responsible, independent |
| itself, and your child will gain greater self esteem when | | | | and resilient adults. |