| Do you remember that phase in your child's | | | | you encourage independence and |
| life when all you heard was "I want to do | | | | responsibility. |
| it!"? You're in a hurry, and you want to | | | | |
| help your child get dressed, but your two or | | | | Build in Life Skills through Routines |
| three year old will have no part of that. | | | | |
| You must wait for 15 minutes while she | | | | Routines give your child practice and |
| masters the socks and shoes. Your helpful | | | | repetition. If, for instance, the after |
| child, at this age, wants to take out the | | | | school routine includes putting away the |
| trash, put away the silverware, bake cookies, | | | | lunch box and coat, having a snack, and doing |
| and clean the bathroom. What on Earth | | | | homework, your child learns responsibility as |
| happens to this independent child? | | | | a way of life. If you want your child to |
| | | | have good personal grooming skills, build |
| Not all children, but many, shift into a new | | | | brushing hair and teeth, and washing face |
| phase. Picking up their toys is a dreadful | | | | into a morning and bedtime routine. When a |
| task. Playing is so much more important than | | | | child does the same thing over and over, he |
| doing homework. Getting them to hang up | | | | learns independence without even thinking |
| their coat or make their bed is like pulling | | | | about it. |
| their two front teeth. In the teenage years, | | | | |
| you get another glimpse of independence, but | | | | Let Children Fall Down and Experience the |
| it's not exactly in the areas you might want. | | | | Consequences |
| Teenagers insist they have all their | | | | |
| academics, social relationships, and life in | | | | Resist the urge to be a helicopter parent and |
| general, under control. You may think | | | | hover over your child. Life is full of |
| differently, but who are you? To a teenager, | | | | opportunities to succeed and make mistakes. |
| you're just an old fashioned and | | | | The lesson is reinforced and learning takes |
| unintelligent parent. | | | | place when children are allowed to make |
| | | | mistakes. If your child makes a bad choice, |
| Regardless of what children may want or think | | | | let him experience the natural or imposed |
| they need, parents have a job to teach | | | | consequences. A "D" or an "F" on an exam |
| responsibility and independence. It is a | | | | sends a very clear message that the child |
| lifelong commitment that isn't always so | | | | needs to study harder. The effect is not the |
| easy, but here are some tips to keep you on | | | | same when you are hounding your child to |
| track. | | | | study so she doesn't fail. When your child |
| | | | makes the choice to extend his curfew by an |
| Encourage Independence by Refusing to Step In | | | | hour, he loses the privilege of going out the |
| | | | next weekend. Guaranteed he will think twice |
| When your child reaches an age to take on an | | | | before staying out late the next time. |
| age-appropriate activity, show your child how | | | | |
| to do it, then let go and let your child | | | | Coach your Children towards Independence and |
| struggle. It can be hard to watch children | | | | Responsibility |
| fight with their shoelaces, or stumble over | | | | |
| their words in a new friendship, but it is in | | | | When your child is faced with a future or |
| these moments that children are learning. | | | | past decision, ask a lot of open ended |
| The joy they feel when they gain a little | | | | questions that encourage your child to think |
| more independence can be very rewarding, and | | | | for himself. "What do you think you should |
| a strong motivator to try new tasks in the | | | | say to your friend?" "What could you have |
| future. | | | | done differently in this situation?" Giving |
| | | | advice teaches your children what you want |
| Believe in Your Child | | | | and what you think is best. Coaching your |
| | | | children supports them in developing good |
| Children need to know you believe in them. | | | | decision making skills, and honoring what is |
| Encourage your children with positive words | | | | best for them. It's okay if they don't make |
| such as, "You are a smart girl. You can | | | | the best choice. Live and learn. |
| figure this out." Teach your children to | | | | |
| think positively about themselves by modeling | | | | The goal in raising children is not to |
| this behavior in yourself. The Little Blue | | | | protect them from pain or undesirable |
| Engine didn't give up and the reward was | | | | circumstances, but to equip them with what |
| confidence. Confidence builds on itself, and | | | | they need to be responsible, independent and |
| your child will gain greater self esteem when | | | | resilient adults. |