| From the moment you play peek-a-boo with your | | | | place where they go to the toilet or hang their coat is |
| baby, you are preparing them for the process of | | | | of great importance to them and can really help them |
| moving away from you and learning about | | | | relax during their early days in a new environment. Let |
| independence. Separation can often be a difficult | | | | your younger child know that it's perfectly normal to |
| emotion not only for you as a parent but also for your | | | | feel nervous and worried about being away from you |
| child. As your child matures and gains in confidence, | | | | for a little while and get them to think of a familiar |
| they grow into independent beings and it is important | | | | object or toy they could bring in with them for a short |
| that you prepare them to fly the nest one day | | | | while until they get used to the changes. I remember |
| Even in ordinary situations, some children experience | | | | when I first taught in Reception a Mum taking her |
| some form of worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety or | | | | daughter's hand and kissing the back of it and saying |
| distress. Feeling nervous and anxious occasionally is | | | | "Now you have my kiss so pop it into your pocket and |
| completely natural for a child when they are faced | | | | when you miss me you can take it out again and give |
| with an unfamiliar or new situation. From toddler to | | | | yourself a kiss from Mummy all over again" I saw her |
| teens, life is full of challenges and sometimes a natural | | | | doing that only twice over by the sandpit during the |
| reaction is for your child to retreat from the situation | | | | morning!! |
| and to look to you for more reassurance. | | | | Think of some of your own personal ideas to diminish |
| During infancy, a baby clings to you when a stranger | | | | your child's anxiety. |
| approaches; in early childhood children often fear new | | | | Find a "buddy" or special friend who your child could go |
| and unfamiliar situations; and as children grow and | | | | in with or pal around with during the new experience. I |
| develop they worry about social acceptance, school | | | | remember the Mums at my children's school got |
| performance or finding a group that they can fit into. | | | | together in the summer holidays in one their gardens to |
| These are all normal reactions to life, but what if your | | | | have a BBQ where the kids chatted, played and got |
| child suddenly starts to get headaches, tummy aches | | | | used to being with each other. It was in a pleasant, |
| or has nightmares about going to school? | | | | relaxed atmosphere where it was safe and familiar so |
| School is a place away from home where your child | | | | it was a really positive and fun experience for |
| will have some of their greatest successes, challenges, | | | | everyone. It helped the transition into the school |
| failures and embarrassments. It is at school that your | | | | environment later that month. |
| young child learns about how the world works and | | | | Make the school ritual relaxed by laying out the school |
| meets and interacts with people from outside your | | | | clothes or making the sandwiches the night before and |
| family, perhaps for the first time. | | | | getting your child involved in helping with the process. It |
| School is a place beyond your control so of course it | | | | helps take away some of the anxiety and is an |
| can appear stressful and unfamiliar to your child | | | | opportunity for listening and chatting through little or big |
| regardless of their age. | | | | niggles. |
| And it is also where children learn about themselves: | | | | What to do if your child has difficulties |
| their strengths, weaknesses, interests and how they | | | | Stay for a little while for the first day or two but |
| relate to others socially. Children learn to perform in a | | | | always talk to your child's teacher first about this, as |
| way they never have to at home and they learn that | | | | some Reception teachers don't always like this idea. |
| they are unique, different and separate from you. So, | | | | As your young child feels more comfortable, make |
| school can appear fun and exciting but also rather | | | | your stay shorter and shorter and then just stay long |
| daunting and stressful. There are new expectations | | | | enough to say goodbye properly. I found children's |
| placed on them whether it is starting school for the | | | | tears dried up within minutes once they got stuck into |
| very first time or starting secondary school. | | | | the Playdoh or toy cars while poor old Mum or Dad |
| Starting school can be an exciting new adventure or a | | | | went home or to work feeling awful all day when |
| terrifying nerve-racking, nail-biting experience. This may | | | | really their child forgot all about feeling blue very quickly. |
| depend on a number of factors. | | | | Be firm about attending school and don't "give in" to |
| A child who has attended a playgroup, or a mother | | | | staying at home. That can send the wrong message |
| and toddler group may feel more at ease with the | | | | and really is making a rod for your own back! |
| new situation as they are used to and more | | | | Always come back on time so your child can feel |
| comfortable with, the daily ritual of separation. | | | | secure and safe knowing you are waiting for them |
| remember my son Will walking up the path to his | | | | with a smile and a lovely greeting. With older children |
| nursery on the first day and striding in really confidently | | | | don't always bombard them with questions like "Well, |
| to play with the jigsaws. It was me who had to fight | | | | how was it?" Let them relax and talk about it in their |
| back the tears and the strange feeling of rejection, as | | | | own time and just greet them with a smile and an "It's |
| he didn't seem that bothered to see me go!!! (But we | | | | good to see you". |
| had been going to the Mother and Toddler afternoons | | | | Always reassure and be accepting of your child's |
| throughout the summer to get him used to the BIG | | | | worries and concerns. Always acknowledge your |
| DAY!!) | | | | child's feelings as it shows respect to their genuine |
| It can also depend on your child's character, their ability | | | | emotions and it gives you an opportunity to help them |
| to handle change or whether their friends are going to | | | | learn to cope with new experiences positively. |
| be joining them. | | | | Always stay positive and try to relax even if your child |
| I really believe your attitude is of vital importance to this | | | | reverts to thumb sucking, clinginess, and bedwetting or |
| "Big Day" moment. If you appear nervous, anxious, | | | | having nightmares. These behaviours are usually only |
| worried, over-protective or guilty your child notices | | | | temporary setbacks and remember that you are |
| your tension and will react to it with anxiety, reluctance | | | | creating a blueprint for how your child handles change |
| and hesitancy. | | | | throughout their lives. |
| So, prepare yourself for the "Big Day" by being | | | | Encourage your older child to ask for help if they get |
| interested, supportive, and encouraging. | | | | lost, or don't understand their homework - encourage |
| Here are some positive parenting pointers | | | | them to realise everyone is in the same boat and is |
| Talk to your child about what to expect - the activities | | | | only too keen to help. Encourage your child to see |
| (if it is nursery or reception - the snacks, milk-time, | | | | Secondary School as a "Human Zoo" and not |
| story time or quiet time, the routines, the toys and the | | | | necessarily as a "Wild Jungle" - a place with lots of |
| noise of other children) if it is starting Secondary | | | | interesting animals and where the zookeepers are |
| school, the anxiety of finding their way around the | | | | there to help them - not just to contain them!!!! |
| maze of a larger building, the new homework | | | | I hope you and your child grow, change and laugh and |
| expectations, the new friend issues, the new timetable | | | | learn together through the exciting but sometimes |
| or the new route home on the bus. | | | | scary time of starting school and with your patience, |
| Take your child to the nursery, school, or secondary | | | | understanding and love you find it a rewarding and |
| school to get the feel of the place and to get used to | | | | positive experience for both of you. |
| the lay out or the journey. With younger children, the | | | | |