| Here is the case study the ferrets that begs | | | | |
| the question: environment influences to raise | | | | I see many parents struggling these days with |
| a child or genetic predisposition to raise a | | | | the yoke of full-time jobs that don't seem to |
| child? | | | | come with much in terms of vacations. With |
| | | | both parents working, parents can be seeing |
| I have a friend who several years ago had her | | | | their children for as little as a |
| child kidnapped out from under her from the | | | | half-an-hour a day. And stay-at-home parents |
| other parent. Basically, it was a really | | | | discover the burden of trying to get |
| long weekend that turned into well over seven | | | | everything done while raising children. How |
| years. The child was taken to Florida and | | | | much quality time does a stay-at-home mom |
| then years later appeared on a website near | | | | have to sit down and influence their |
| to her home in Ontario. She had once tracked | | | | children? |
| him down in Florida but the school told the | | | | |
| father which meant he pulled up stakes. She | | | | I ask you to look at your circumstances as a |
| had him in her sites. Even before she picked | | | | parent and just accept them. Reality is |
| up the phone, filed all the paperwork as she | | | | reality. The question is, can you change the |
| still had full custody, the child phoned an | | | | trend of your parenting style? |
| uncle who gave her number to him. | | | | |
| | | | If so, these are the areas to improve: |
| She was very concerned this child would have | | | | |
| been negatively influenced against her. He | | | | 1. Rituals and routines--Want to spend less |
| had lived on the run, away from any of her | | | | time fighting with your children? Stick up |
| family the entire last seven years. Would he | | | | illustrations of everything that needs to get |
| grow to be a good kid because of his | | | | done in the morning and in the evening. Give |
| environmental surroundings? He later told | | | | them a checklist to fill in. Praise them for |
| her that they were less than ideal with some | | | | their success. Truthfully, as an adult, we |
| of his father's girlfriends semi-starving him | | | | no longer rebel against doing our teeth. |
| or being left with a medical condition too | | | | That's because it is routine. |
| long such as a broken arm? Not ideal at all | | | | |
| for environmental. He comes from a wonderful | | | | 2. Set time aside for each child--This is |
| lady, that's for sure but his father didn't | | | | important stuff. A child banks their |
| seem to get fatherhood by reports I've heard | | | | self-esteem on what you think of them for |
| until his own parents wanted the child. | | | | many, many years. If you child perceives |
| | | | that they aren't worth the time, then expect |
| But in the end, she was amazed at what a | | | | them to have some issues around their |
| fabulous child he was and how he mostly took | | | | self-esteem. If instead, you take a solid |
| everything in his step. So how then did this | | | | ten minutes a day to spend with them. It can |
| result come from a child who was pretty much | | | | be sitting on the carpet playing with your |
| mistreated by the other parent and that | | | | baby or taking a walk with your oldest or |
| parent's girlfriends? | | | | playing dolls with your child. Each child |
| | | | gets your time individually once a day. This |
| Genetic or environmental, I asked. What made | | | | applies to other parents too. If you feel |
| this child turn out in spite of his | | | | you don't have time to spend doing this, then |
| upbringing. | | | | intergrate the individual time into chores. |
| | | | There's no reason your child can't dry the |
| "No, no, no," she said. "You think that he | | | | dishes or help you put on the wash. But make |
| was raised by his father. He wasn't. I had | | | | it their time by talking to them. |
| him until he was six. That's how long it | | | | |
| takes to raise your child up the right way." | | | | 3. Meet their spiritual needs.--Talk about |
| | | | their family, where they came from, stories |
| And experts are on her side. For many years, | | | | from when you were little and fill them with |
| experts in the parenting years said 0-3 were | | | | the sense that they belong. |
| the most critical years of development but | | | | |
| later around 2001 added that 0-6 years of age | | | | 4. Get a copy of the 'Desiderata' for |
| were the most important. Communities across | | | | yourself. This poem reminds each and |
| our country have become involved with this | | | | everyone of us how to be a successful person |
| time in children's lives through programs of | | | | and to put things into perspective. In |
| all kinds. In the past, these children would | | | | freeing you own spirit, you will be a better |
| have been met at the school door. So yes, | | | | parent. Fill yourself up spiritually by |
| her point has a lot of belief from the | | | | seeking out support groups for families. |
| academic and social community. | | | | Never isolate yourself from your community. |
| | | | |
| If you don't have any sense of control, then | | | | 5. Outings--Play as a family as much as you |
| oh well, that's going to pretty much continue | | | | can. Remember always that there will come a |
| past the age of six. If you do, it too will | | | | time when they want their friends over. |
| continue. Now, not every parent/child | | | | Steal one day a week just for your family and |
| relationship is ideal in certain years but on | | | | put a special stamp on it that says nobody |
| the whole, if you can count most of those | | | | else, just your family can have that day. |
| years as good ones where you see your child | | | | |
| grow-up, then they were good times. | | | | Good luck in your parenting. |