| Here is the case study the ferrets that begs the | | | | ones where you see your child grow-up, then they |
| question: environment influences to raise a child or | | | | were good times. |
| genetic predisposition to raise a child? | | | | I see many parents struggling these days with the |
| I have a friend who several years ago had her child | | | | yoke of full-time jobs that don't seem to come with |
| kidnapped out from under her from the other parent. | | | | much in terms of vacations. With both parents working, |
| Basically, it was a really long weekend that turned into | | | | parents can be seeing their children for as little as a |
| well over seven years. The child was taken to Florida | | | | half-an-hour a day. And stay-at-home parents |
| and then years later appeared on a website near to | | | | discover the burden of trying to get everything done |
| her home in Ontario. She had once tracked him down | | | | while raising children. How much quality time does a |
| in Florida but the school told the father which meant he | | | | stay-at-home mom have to sit down and influence |
| pulled up stakes. She had him in her sites. Even before | | | | their children? |
| she picked up the phone, filed all the paperwork as she | | | | I ask you to look at your circumstances as a parent |
| still had full custody, the child phoned an uncle who | | | | and just accept them. Reality is reality. The question is, |
| gave her number to him. | | | | can you change the trend of your parenting style? |
| She was very concerned this child would have been | | | | If so, these are the areas to improve: |
| negatively influenced against her. He had lived on the | | | | 1. Rituals and routines--Want to spend less time fighting |
| run, away from any of her family the entire last seven | | | | with your children? Stick up illustrations of everything |
| years. Would he grow to be a good kid because of | | | | that needs to get done in the morning and in the |
| his environmental surroundings? He later told her that | | | | evening. Give them a checklist to fill in. Praise them for |
| they were less than ideal with some of his father's | | | | their success. Truthfully, as an adult, we no longer rebel |
| girlfriends semi-starving him or being left with a medical | | | | against doing our teeth. That's because it is routine. |
| condition too long such as a broken arm? Not ideal at | | | | 2. Set time aside for each child--This is important stuff. |
| all for environmental. He comes from a wonderful lady, | | | | A child banks their self-esteem on what you think of |
| that's for sure but his father didn't seem to get | | | | them for many, many years. If you child perceives that |
| fatherhood by reports I've heard until his own parents | | | | they aren't worth the time, then expect them to have |
| wanted the child. | | | | some issues around their self-esteem. If instead, you |
| But in the end, she was amazed at what a fabulous | | | | take a solid ten minutes a day to spend with them. It |
| child he was and how he mostly took everything in his | | | | can be sitting on the carpet playing with your baby or |
| step. So how then did this result come from a child | | | | taking a walk with your oldest or playing dolls with your |
| who was pretty much mistreated by the other parent | | | | child. Each child gets your time individually once a day. |
| and that parent's girlfriends? | | | | This applies to other parents too. If you feel you don't |
| Genetic or environmental, I asked. What made this child | | | | have time to spend doing this, then intergrate the |
| turn out in spite of his upbringing. | | | | individual time into chores. There's no reason your child |
| "No, no, no," she said. "You think that he was raised by | | | | can't dry the dishes or help you put on the wash. But |
| his father. He wasn't. I had him until he was six. That's | | | | make it their time by talking to them. |
| how long it takes to raise your child up the right way." | | | | 3. Meet their spiritual needs.--Talk about their family, |
| And experts are on her side. For many years, experts | | | | where they came from, stories from when you were |
| in the parenting years said 0-3 were the most critical | | | | little and fill them with the sense that they belong. |
| years of development but later around 2001 added | | | | 4. Get a copy of the 'Desiderata' for yourself. This |
| that 0-6 years of age were the most important. | | | | poem reminds each and everyone of us how to be a |
| Communities across our country have become | | | | successful person and to put things into perspective. In |
| involved with this time in children's lives through | | | | freeing you own spirit, you will be a better parent. Fill |
| programs of all kinds. In the past, these children would | | | | yourself up spiritually by seeking out support groups for |
| have been met at the school door. So yes, her point | | | | families. Never isolate yourself from your community. |
| has a lot of belief from the academic and social | | | | 5. Outings--Play as a family as much as you can. |
| community. | | | | Remember always that there will come a time when |
| If you don't have any sense of control, then oh well, | | | | they want their friends over. Steal one day a week |
| that's going to pretty much continue past the age of | | | | just for your family and put a special stamp on it that |
| six. If you do, it too will continue. Now, not every parent | | | | says nobody else, just your family can have that day. |
| child relationship is ideal in certain years but on the | | | | Good luck in your parenting. |
| whole, if you can count most of those years as good | | | | |