| Qualities needed for raising children are | | | | An understanding that failure promotes |
| quite different from qualities needed on the | | | | growth. If everything were perfect all the |
| job. Many times parents have difficulty | | | | time there would be no stimulus for change |
| adjusting to the role of parents and try to | | | | and growth. Since you do not want to change |
| run the family as they would a corporation. | | | | the child's diaper for the rest of its life |
| This can stifle the child's desire to achieve | | | | you are pleased that the child eventually |
| and drive them from the parent. Some of the | | | | realizes that a wet, messy diaper is |
| keys for cultivating growth in you children | | | | uncomfortable. Avoid the impulse to smooth |
| are listed below. | | | | the way for a young child so that they never |
| | | | experience failure. Someday they will have to |
| A tolerance for repeated errors. Children are | | | | face the real world and you want them to |
| learning everything there is to know about | | | | learn from little, manageable failures so |
| life. A toddler, as they learn to walk, falls | | | | that they can be prepared to face the world |
| down a lot. In elementary school no child | | | | as an adult. |
| completes a year of arithmetic without | | | | |
| errors. Teens make many mistakes in the | | | | A desire to promote independence in others |
| complex arena of personal relationships. It | | | | even if their ways are not your ways. Your |
| is through these errors that they learn. | | | | children will, most likely, not follow in |
| | | | your footsteps. Give them the opportunity to |
| Stability. Knowing that home is a safe, | | | | cultivate their interests, even if they are |
| nurturing environment where they can come and | | | | not your interests. They will have different |
| be loved just as they are is vital to the | | | | talents than you , and if you do not give |
| emotional health of children. Strive to make | | | | them the opportunity to develop their talents |
| your home as stable and safe as possible. | | | | they will be stuck in a place that does not |
| | | | make them comfortable. |
| Plenty of time for family activities. Doing | | | | |
| things together as a family creates a sense | | | | A relaxed acceptance of embarrassment. From |
| of unity and solidarity among family members. | | | | the time they are born children will have the |
| Many parents are so caught up in the need to | | | | capacity to embarrass you. This will be |
| make more money, or even in their own | | | | exaggerated when they approach their teen |
| interests and hobbies that there is no time | | | | years. While it is an accepted fact that |
| left for family activities. | | | | teens are embarrassed by their parents, it is |
| | | | talked about less that teens will embarrass |
| Patience. Even the best behaved child can try | | | | their parents. It is all part of growing up. |
| a parent's patience at times, and some | | | | |
| children try a parent's patience almost | | | | Gentleness. Infants need to be treated with |
| constantly. Cultivating patience, while | | | | exceeding gentleness physically. As children |
| avoiding being overly permissive, is | | | | grow they will need extreme gentleness |
| essential to a good relationship with a | | | | emotionally. This does not mean never |
| child. | | | | confronting them over their behavior. It does |
| | | | mean confronting them with compassion. |
| Emphasis on process, surprises, and changes | | | | |
| as the child matures. Fast growing children | | | | A true respect for your child's activities |
| can constantly surprise and delight us with | | | | free from comparison with your own. If you |
| new knowledge, new achievements and different | | | | are a father who excelled in football and you |
| ideas. Being open to change and delighted by | | | | have a daughter who is a high school |
| it, rather than bemoaning it and wishing for | | | | cheerleader this is easy to do. But what if |
| a previous time when"he was so sweet" will | | | | you were the star quarterback and you have a |
| make the child feel valued. | | | | son who is a barely functional guard on the C |
| | | | team but enjoys it. Or what if your son |
| A total commitment to others. There is no | | | | prefers ballet? Look for the good things |
| greater commitment to others than becoming a | | | | about your child's activities and respect the |
| parent. The child will consume your life | | | | amount of work they put into being good at |
| until they are out of your home, and a strong | | | | what they want to be good at. |
| commitment will follow them even then. And | | | | |
| you will be stronger for it. | | | | Ability to listen patiently while the child |
| | | | talks. If you listen to the prattle of a |
| A softness and willingness to bend. While the | | | | preschooler, or the winding description of a |
| commitment you make to your child will | | | | movie by a six year old you will keep them |
| require a strength you may not know you have, | | | | talking to you. Then, if you are there and |
| your love of them requires a softness that | | | | still listening without judgement, you will |
| may be out of character. As they grow and | | | | hear the really important things from your 14 |
| reach the age where they begin to reason with | | | | or 16 year old. If you don't listen when they |
| you, even if there are many errors in their | | | | are young you will lose them and it will be |
| reasoning at first, you must listen with an | | | | really difficult to get them back when they |
| open heart and be willing to change your | | | | are in their teens and beyond. |
| stance when they have a good argument. | | | | |
| | | | Ability to put another's needs ahead of your |
| A tolerance for chaos. There will be times | | | | own. This starts even before birth. An infant |
| when even the most well ordered house full of | | | | will not survive if a parent does not put |
| children appears to be in total chaos. In the | | | | their own needs ahead of the infants. It |
| midst of the constant process of change that | | | | continues. Many teenagers would not survive |
| is growing up you cannot expect to be able to | | | | without their parents putting the teen's |
| maintain order at all times. There will be | | | | needs ahead of their own. |
| times of either physical or emotional chaos | | | | |
| that will pull the whole family in. Be aware | | | | While no one can be a perfect parent, |
| that these are opportunities for a new way of | | | | cultivating these qualities in yourself will |
| doing or looking at things. | | | | assure that you will be a good parent. A good |
| | | | parent is all that you need to be. |