| Qualities needed for raising children are quite different | | | | An understanding that failure promotes growth. If |
| from qualities needed on the job. Many times parents | | | | everything were perfect all the time there would be no |
| have difficulty adjusting to the role of parents and try | | | | stimulus for change and growth. Since you do not |
| to run the family as they would a corporation. This can | | | | want to change the child's diaper for the rest of its life |
| stifle the child's desire to achieve and drive them from | | | | you are pleased that the child eventually realizes that a |
| the parent. Some of the keys for cultivating growth in | | | | wet, messy diaper is uncomfortable. Avoid the impulse |
| you children are listed below. | | | | to smooth the way for a young child so that they |
| A tolerance for repeated errors. Children are learning | | | | never experience failure. Someday they will have to |
| everything there is to know about life. A toddler, as | | | | face the real world and you want them to learn from |
| they learn to walk, falls down a lot. In elementary | | | | little, manageable failures so that they can be prepared |
| school no child completes a year of arithmetic without | | | | to face the world as an adult. |
| errors. Teens make many mistakes in the complex | | | | A desire to promote independence in others even if |
| arena of personal relationships. It is through these | | | | their ways are not your ways. Your children will, most |
| errors that they learn. | | | | likely, not follow in your footsteps. Give them the |
| Stability. Knowing that home is a safe, nurturing | | | | opportunity to cultivate their interests, even if they are |
| environment where they can come and be loved just | | | | not your interests. They will have different talents than |
| as they are is vital to the emotional health of children. | | | | you , and if you do not give them the opportunity to |
| Strive to make your home as stable and safe as | | | | develop their talents they will be stuck in a place that |
| possible. | | | | does not make them comfortable. |
| Plenty of time for family activities. Doing things together | | | | A relaxed acceptance of embarrassment. From the |
| as a family creates a sense of unity and solidarity | | | | time they are born children will have the capacity to |
| among family members. Many parents are so caught | | | | embarrass you. This will be exaggerated when they |
| up in the need to make more money, or even in their | | | | approach their teen years. While it is an accepted fact |
| own interests and hobbies that there is no time left for | | | | that teens are embarrassed by their parents, it is |
| family activities. | | | | talked about less that teens will embarrass their |
| Patience. Even the best behaved child can try a | | | | parents. It is all part of growing up. |
| parent's patience at times, and some children try a | | | | Gentleness. Infants need to be treated with exceeding |
| parent's patience almost constantly. Cultivating | | | | gentleness physically. As children grow they will need |
| patience, while avoiding being overly permissive, is | | | | extreme gentleness emotionally. This does not mean |
| essential to a good relationship with a child. | | | | never confronting them over their behavior. It does |
| Emphasis on process, surprises, and changes as the | | | | mean confronting them with compassion. |
| child matures. Fast growing children can constantly | | | | A true respect for your child's activities free from |
| surprise and delight us with new knowledge, new | | | | comparison with your own. If you are a father who |
| achievements and different ideas. Being open to | | | | excelled in football and you have a daughter who is a |
| change and delighted by it, rather than bemoaning it | | | | high school cheerleader this is easy to do. But what if |
| and wishing for a previous time when"he was so | | | | you were the star quarterback and you have a son |
| sweet" will make the child feel valued. | | | | who is a barely functional guard on the C team but |
| A total commitment to others. There is no greater | | | | enjoys it. Or what if your son prefers ballet? Look for |
| commitment to others than becoming a parent. The | | | | the good things about your child's activities and respect |
| child will consume your life until they are out of your | | | | the amount of work they put into being good at what |
| home, and a strong commitment will follow them even | | | | they want to be good at. |
| then. And you will be stronger for it. | | | | Ability to listen patiently while the child talks. If you listen |
| A softness and willingness to bend. While the | | | | to the prattle of a preschooler, or the winding |
| commitment you make to your child will require a | | | | description of a movie by a six year old you will keep |
| strength you may not know you have, your love of | | | | them talking to you. Then, if you are there and still |
| them requires a softness that may be out of | | | | listening without judgement, you will hear the really |
| character. As they grow and reach the age where | | | | important things from your 14 or 16 year old. If you |
| they begin to reason with you, even if there are many | | | | don't listen when they are young you will lose them |
| errors in their reasoning at first, you must listen with an | | | | and it will be really difficult to get them back when they |
| open heart and be willing to change your stance when | | | | are in their teens and beyond. |
| they have a good argument. | | | | Ability to put another's needs ahead of your own. This |
| A tolerance for chaos. There will be times when even | | | | starts even before birth. An infant will not survive if a |
| the most well ordered house full of children appears to | | | | parent does not put their own needs ahead of the |
| be in total chaos. In the midst of the constant process | | | | infants. It continues. Many teenagers would not survive |
| of change that is growing up you cannot expect to be | | | | without their parents putting the teen's needs ahead of |
| able to maintain order at all times. There will be times | | | | their own. |
| of either physical or emotional chaos that will pull the | | | | While no one can be a perfect parent, cultivating these |
| whole family in. Be aware that these are opportunities | | | | qualities in yourself will assure that you will be a good |
| for a new way of doing or looking at things. | | | | parent. A good parent is all that you need to be. |