| Blame and criticism are highly overrated as | | | | We resist them as people. Their behavior is |
| motivators. You already know this. Think | | | | inconvenient, painful, or disruptive. It gets |
| about it. When you spent a lot of time | | | | in the way of me making my goals. One of the |
| trying to correct someone--an employee, your | | | | biggest complaints I hear from people in the |
| spouse, your parent, your child, anyone--did | | | | workplace is the lack of respect and |
| it work? When someone was blaming and | | | | consideration they experience at work. They |
| critical of you, did it work? Like most of | | | | believe that their managers don't really care |
| us, you probably felt the blaming was unfair | | | | about them.So, what's the answer? It's never |
| or inappropriate. The problem is that blaming | | | | easy, but it is possible. First we need a |
| and criticism don't inspire us. If you are | | | | vision. You know what you don't want. What do |
| sensitive, they make you feel small. There | | | | you want? If this level of performance is not |
| is an answer.Blaming and criticism arise out | | | | okay--if this behavior is not okay--what is? |
| of frustration. We see that the behavior of | | | | Clearly state what you want. Clearly tell |
| another is not what we want, and so we try to | | | | people what the vision is. Align yourself |
| blame it away. As I look back on my careers | | | | with that vision. Do you want a workplace |
| as a teacher, coach, executive, and | | | | (or any other group you are in) where people |
| consultant I can see all of the times I was | | | | are treated with care and respect? Do you |
| ineffective as a critic. Blaming and | | | | want a place where people feel good? Do you |
| criticism may serve you as a way of venting | | | | want peak performance? Whatever you want, be |
| your frustration, but they don't get the job | | | | it. Communicate it clearly. Give people |
| done. The result is continuous struggle and | | | | specific positive feedback on how they are |
| or removing the person from your sight. We | | | | succeeding. Offer corrective feedback when |
| stop talking to our child or spouse. We move | | | | people fall short. Ask them what they need. |
| the troublesome employee to another | | | | Ask for feedback from them on how you are |
| department or do our best to avoid them. | | | | doing at manifesting your vision. Listen and |
| There is a better way.We tell ourselves that | | | | make changes.Second, always talk to people |
| we tried and that we just couldn't succeed in | | | | with care. Don't get caught up in the |
| getting them to change. The problem, of | | | | ineffective strategy of thinking people don't |
| course, is that we were trying to change the | | | | deserve your respect. Offer your help. Do all |
| wrong person. In fact, we cannot change other | | | | that you can to create processes and |
| people. We can only change ourselves. Our | | | | relationships that support them in doing |
| attempts to change others create frustration, | | | | well. If they refuse to do well, find out |
| stress, and blaming. Relationships become | | | | why. Sometimes in the workplace people refuse |
| strained and dysfunctional (meaning "not | | | | to improve or change. Don't judge them for |
| working"). Yet the answer that we thought was | | | | this. Maybe the job isn't for them. Maybe |
| in the other person was within us all | | | | this organization is not for them. If you |
| along.You may be skeptical at this point. | | | | can't help them to change, see if someone |
| After all, you had good intentions. You knew | | | | else can. If no one can help them to change, |
| what the other person needed to do to be more | | | | help them to go. Refuse to accept chronic |
| effective or happier. You were right. They | | | | behavior that doesn't fit with the vision.At |
| were the problem. Yet, the question is still | | | | the same time, give lots of specific praise |
| nagging us. Did criticism and blaming work? | | | | for good work. Constantly reinforce people, |
| Was it effective in producing the result you | | | | and never take good work for granted. What |
| wanted? Be honest. It didn't work, did it? | | | | you focus on expands. What we reinforce we |
| This doesn't mean that you blame yourself. | | | | strengthen. If we constantly focus on |
| Blaming and criticizing yourself doesn't work | | | | appreciating people for successes, we |
| any better. What does work?When we blame or | | | | increase our successes.Listen to the way |
| criticize anyone, including ourselves, we are | | | | people talk to each other. Challenge negative |
| focused on what we don't want. All of our | | | | comments that are "normal". Understand the |
| emotional energy flows into the negative. | | | | dissatisfaction that is behind the comment, |
| Most of what we do and say from a blaming | | | | and help people find appropriate ways to |
| mode actually serves to maintain or worsen | | | | address it. Do not accept negative talk as a |
| the situation. We expect people to misbehave, | | | | way of life.If you want to transform your |
| screw up, or fail in some way. We get so | | | | workplace (or any group you are a part of), |
| emotionally invested in our judgment of their | | | | you need to be a visionary. You need to be so |
| performance that we start needing for them to | | | | into your vision that you live it every day. |
| fail. Their failures reassure us that we were | | | | Mistakes are opportunities to make positive |
| right. Their failures justify our negative | | | | corrections, to help people, and to solve |
| opinion. Our focus on what we don't want | | | | problems. Blaming and criticism are like |
| helps us to create what we don't want.Their | | | | shooting yourself in the foot. Raise your aim |
| failures justify our image of self as good, | | | | to a higher level. See and encourage the |
| intelligent, or competent. An example would | | | | best in people. Believe in their ability to |
| be the manager who blames and criticizes the | | | | add to this vision. Give them the tools and |
| employee who doesn't perform. He's failing | | | | the feedback to help them. Include them in |
| because there is something wrong with him | | | | the vision by listening to them; providing |
| (lazy, not smart, no discipline). It can't be | | | | direct, honest communication; and treating |
| me; I'm a competent manager. By convincing | | | | people with the utmost care and |
| ourselves about what is wrong with the other | | | | respect.William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, |
| person we prevent ourselves from finding new | | | | executive coach, and the author of Beyond |
| pathways to reaching them. Our judgment | | | | Blaming: Unleashing Power and Passion in |
| becomes an impenetrable wall that blocks us | | | | People and Organizations. William offers |
| from seeing any possibilities for | | | | keynotes and workshops on leadership and |
| success.When we blame, don't see the other | | | | moving beyond blaming. William also offers a |
| person as real. We fail to consider their | | | | free online newsletter, Transformation Times. |
| needs and concerns, their view of the world. | | | | |