| Blame and criticism are highly overrated as motivators. | | | | as people. Their behavior is inconvenient, painful, or |
| You already know this. Think about it. When you spent | | | | disruptive. It gets in the way of me making my goals. |
| a lot of time trying to correct someone--an employee, | | | | One of the biggest complaints I hear from people in |
| your spouse, your parent, your child, anyone--did it | | | | the workplace is the lack of respect and consideration |
| work? When someone was blaming and critical of | | | | they experience at work. They believe that their |
| you, did it work? Like most of us, you probably felt the | | | | managers don't really care about them.So, what's the |
| blaming was unfair or inappropriate. The problem is | | | | answer? It's never easy, but it is possible. First we |
| that blaming and criticism don't inspire us. If you are | | | | need a vision. You know what you don't want. What |
| sensitive, they make you feel small. There is an | | | | do you want? If this level of performance is not |
| answer.Blaming and criticism arise out of frustration. | | | | okay--if this behavior is not okay--what is? Clearly |
| We see that the behavior of another is not what we | | | | state what you want. Clearly tell people what the |
| want, and so we try to blame it away. As I look back | | | | vision is. Align yourself with that vision. Do you want a |
| on my careers as a teacher, coach, executive, and | | | | workplace (or any other group you are in) where |
| consultant I can see all of the times I was ineffective | | | | people are treated with care and respect? Do you |
| as a critic. Blaming and criticism may serve you as a | | | | want a place where people feel good? Do you want |
| way of venting your frustration, but they don't get the | | | | peak performance? Whatever you want, be it. |
| job done. The result is continuous struggle and/or | | | | Communicate it clearly. Give people specific positive |
| removing the person from your sight. We stop talking | | | | feedback on how they are succeeding. Offer |
| to our child or spouse. We move the troublesome | | | | corrective feedback when people fall short. Ask them |
| employee to another department or do our best to | | | | what they need. Ask for feedback from them on how |
| avoid them. There is a better way.We tell ourselves | | | | you are doing at manifesting your vision. Listen and |
| that we tried and that we just couldn't succeed in | | | | make changes.Second, always talk to people with |
| getting them to change. The problem, of course, is that | | | | care. Don't get caught up in the ineffective strategy of |
| we were trying to change the wrong person. In fact, | | | | thinking people don't deserve your respect. Offer your |
| we cannot change other people. We can only change | | | | help. Do all that you can to create processes and |
| ourselves. Our attempts to change others create | | | | relationships that support them in doing well. If they |
| frustration, stress, and blaming. Relationships become | | | | refuse to do well, find out why. Sometimes in the |
| strained and dysfunctional (meaning "not working"). Yet | | | | workplace people refuse to improve or change. Don't |
| the answer that we thought was in the other person | | | | judge them for this. Maybe the job isn't for them. |
| was within us all along.You may be skeptical at this | | | | Maybe this organization is not for them. If you can't |
| point. After all, you had good intentions. You knew | | | | help them to change, see if someone else can. If no |
| what the other person needed to do to be more | | | | one can help them to change, help them to go. Refuse |
| effective or happier. You were right. They were the | | | | to accept chronic behavior that doesn't fit with the |
| problem. Yet, the question is still nagging us. Did criticism | | | | vision.At the same time, give lots of specific praise for |
| and blaming work? Was it effective in producing the | | | | good work. Constantly reinforce people, and never |
| result you wanted? Be honest. It didn't work, did it? This | | | | take good work for granted. What you focus on |
| doesn't mean that you blame yourself. Blaming and | | | | expands. What we reinforce we strengthen. If we |
| criticizing yourself doesn't work any better. What does | | | | constantly focus on appreciating people for successes, |
| work?When we blame or criticize anyone, including | | | | we increase our successes.Listen to the way people |
| ourselves, we are focused on what we don't want. All | | | | talk to each other. Challenge negative comments that |
| of our emotional energy flows into the negative. Most | | | | are "normal". Understand the dissatisfaction that is |
| of what we do and say from a blaming mode actually | | | | behind the comment, and help people find appropriate |
| serves to maintain or worsen the situation. We expect | | | | ways to address it. Do not accept negative talk as a |
| people to misbehave, screw up, or fail in some way. | | | | way of life.If you want to transform your workplace |
| We get so emotionally invested in our judgment of | | | | (or any group you are a part of), you need to be a |
| their performance that we start needing for them to | | | | visionary. You need to be so into your vision that you |
| fail. Their failures reassure us that we were right. Their | | | | live it every day. Mistakes are opportunities to make |
| failures justify our negative opinion. Our focus on what | | | | positive corrections, to help people, and to solve |
| we don't want helps us to create what we don't | | | | problems. Blaming and criticism are like shooting |
| want.Their failures justify our image of self as good, | | | | yourself in the foot. Raise your aim to a higher level. |
| intelligent, or competent. An example would be the | | | | See and encourage the best in people. Believe in their |
| manager who blames and criticizes the employee who | | | | ability to add to this vision. Give them the tools and the |
| doesn't perform. He's failing because there is | | | | feedback to help them. Include them in the vision by |
| something wrong with him (lazy, not smart, no | | | | listening to them; providing direct, honest communication; |
| discipline). It can't be me; I'm a competent manager. By | | | | and treating people with the utmost care and |
| convincing ourselves about what is wrong with the | | | | respect.William Frank Diedrich is a speaker, executive |
| other person we prevent ourselves from finding new | | | | coach, and the author of Beyond Blaming: Unleashing |
| pathways to reaching them. Our judgment becomes | | | | Power and Passion in People and Organizations. |
| an impenetrable wall that blocks us from seeing any | | | | William offers keynotes and workshops on leadership |
| possibilities for success.When we blame, don't see the | | | | and moving beyond blaming. William also offers a free |
| other person as real. We fail to consider their needs | | | | online newsletter, Transformation Times. |
| and concerns, their view of the world. We resist them | | | | |