| Cervantes said, "Faint heart ne'er won | | | | a frustrated, inadequately-parented, |
| fair lady." As a matter of fact, a faint | | | | passive child, can happen. Without |
| heart never won much of anything. But | | | | committed parents, a strong-willed child |
| put a little determination and will into | | | | can run amok and create all kinds of |
| that heart, and it can shoot the moon. | | | | chaos. Raising these kids is bracing and |
| What you hear, though, is that parents | | | | a lot of fun, but it ain't easy. The |
| should prefer the faint heart, that is, | | | | parents need to be grownups. They need |
| the passive heart. It's promoted as the | | | | to be parents who realize being a parent |
| answer to their prayers. Authors make | | | | is different from being a buddy. Parents |
| fortunes with books bemoaning the | | | | who accept the fact that raising kids |
| problem of strong-willed children. They | | | | means it's about the kids. Parents |
| preach passive, all day, every day. | | | | willing to do the right thing when it's |
| Parents, they decree, need to break | | | | not the easy thing. Parents whose lives |
| their children's will-or at least their | | | | set an example to follow. Parents who |
| willfulness. Are these people kidding? | | | | understand that strong-willed children |
| Passive isn't wonderful. Passive is | | | | usually don't "fit in" all that well |
| lumpy, as in "sit there like a lump." | | | | because they are, in fact, exceptional. |
| Passive hardly makes a dent in the | | | | All kids, but especially strong-willed |
| world, let alone changes it. Passive | | | | children, need to know they're loved |
| sits by and lets life happen, whether | | | | "just because." It's not about |
| for good or ill. Passive is easy to | | | | performance, although self-control and |
| ignore, easy to take advantage of and | | | | good behavior are good. It's not about |
| easy to exclude. If watching your child | | | | being better than others, which is a |
| be mistaken for the wallpaper sounds | | | | calculation for losers. In fact, it's |
| good, work on the passivity level. If | | | | not about a lot of things. It's about |
| you like the idea of your children not | | | | raising emotionally, physically and |
| speaking up when others take advantage | | | | spiritually healthy children, confident |
| of them, by all means, push passivity. | | | | that the strong will so many people fear |
| Passive kids spend junior high crammed | | | | will give them the gumption to face life |
| in their lockers, if that appeals to | | | | with enthusiasm and courage. Keeping up |
| you. The absolute fact is, a | | | | with-or even harder, staying ahead |
| strong-willed child is exactly what we | | | | of-the strong-willed child takes |
| should want. Strong enough to fend off | | | | determination, creativity and energy. |
| peer pressure. Strong enough to set good | | | | And humor. Lots of humor. They'll put |
| goals and work toward accomplishment. | | | | you on your knees, in prayer or |
| Strong enough to put off current, brief | | | | exhaustion or both. Fortunately, the |
| pleasures for better, long-lasting | | | | prize is worth the effort. © Copyright |
| rewards. A strong will creates a | | | | 2007 by Bette Dowdell. All rights |
| determination that grabs life by the | | | | reserved. |
| throat and makes it happen. Channeled | | | | Bette Dowdell, mother of strong-willed |
| for good, it can make wonderful things | | | | children, now grown, worked with |
| happen. Unchanneled, the optimism and | | | | computers for years and also taught the |
| good cheer that come from being born | | | | Bible, including teaching serious |
| with the ability to make decisions can | | | | theology to grade school children, not a |
| get lost. You could end up with a bully | | | | job for sissies. |
| or a brat, which, while more likely with | | | | |