| When my daughter was very young, she would | | | | lesson from my daughter. 'Be where you are.' |
| wander into my office and want to chatter, see what I | | | | On occasion I did have time pressures that meant it |
| was doing and generally get my undivided attention. In | | | | was important to focus on the project I was involved |
| the early days I tried to multitask and distract her while | | | | in. In those cases I would negotiate with her. Even |
| I continued to write that very important letter, or finish | | | | when as a youngster she could appreciate the |
| the project I was working on. Then I would feel guilty | | | | concept of sharing and that you don't get everything |
| that I was wasting our precious time together on work | | | | that you want on demand. |
| stuff when I could be enjoying my time with her. I | | | | If I made a promise that after finishing the report or |
| swear I could hear the song 'Cat's in The Cradle' | | | | project, I would take her to the park, beach, go for a |
| coming from somewhere in the room! | | | | walk; she would be happy and wander off to some |
| So I learned how to 'swap hats' in an instant. From | | | | other adventure until the promised time. Of course, I |
| solopreneur to dad in 3 seconds flat. And I learned | | | | would honour that promise otherwise she would learn |
| how to go back from dad to solopreneur in the same | | | | not to trust me. |
| amount of time. | | | | Let's get specific and break the process down into |
| The issue is contamination of one context to another. | | | | chucks. |
| That's tech jargon. What it really means is you can't | | | | To shut off from work, you need to incorporate a ritual |
| fully do two things at the same time. Yes, you can fool | | | | that separates work life from home life. The ritual |
| yourself that you can juggle talking to young children | | | | helps you to define one context from another. The |
| while writing emails, reports etc - but they know the | | | | trouble is when we contaminate one context with |
| truth. If you aren't fully present, you're not really listening | | | | another. My ritual was values based i.e. on my values |
| to them with heart and mind. And that's what they | | | | around being a good dad and a solopreneur. Both |
| want, nay, demand. Try pretending and they will just | | | | were important for me and were worth honouring. I |
| hang around longer until they get their full measure of | | | | also understand and I can't fully succeed at both at the |
| you. That's if you're lucky. If you're unlucky they leave | | | | same time. They had to be treated as separate |
| unsatisfied and feeling less worthy about themselves. | | | | activities. When I decided which was appropriate at |
| That thought horrified me. | | | | any given time, I would put on the appropriate hat. This |
| Here's what I learned to do. | | | | was a crucial part of the ritual. Even thought the hat |
| 1. Decide what my priority was at that moment in time. | | | | was imaginary it still had real implications. |
| 2. Turn up (be present) or negotiate | | | | When I had my 'dad' hat on, I listened fully to my |
| Let us say that my office activity wasn't time sensitive | | | | daughter and was present emotionally was well as |
| and I could take 5-10 minutes out to play and be with | | | | physically. I left my work on the desk knowing it would |
| my daughter. I would make a mental bookmark of | | | | still be there when I returned and that it would only |
| where I was at in the project and then mentally swap | | | | take a moment to get my head back into the project. I |
| hats from project manager to dad. Part of the hat | | | | didn't have guilt feelings no matter which hat I was |
| swapping process was the decision to be with my | | | | wearing because I knew I would be getting back to the |
| daughter for the next 5, 10 or 15 minutes. I found from | | | | other in a predictable negotiated amount of time. |
| experience this was about all the time she wanted | | | | When I switched back to 'solopreneur' I felt happy that |
| before going onto other adventures. | | | | I was being a good dad and the song 'Cats in the |
| Another crucial part of this equation was how 'present' | | | | Cradle' was no longer playing in my head. Now I could |
| I was during this 5 - 15 minutes. When I was fully there, | | | | finish the project and be fully present whilst doing so. |
| 10 minutes was the average time she needed from | | | | So, go experiment, have fun...and notice the difference |
| me. If I was half present and my mind was sneaking | | | | in your effectiveness and the connectedness in your |
| back to my project, she would want at least 20 | | | | family. |
| minutes of my time. Hmmm. So I learned another life | | | | |