| I'll never forget my first job. I started working at a very | | | | Adding variations to the activity |
| small restaurant, about 20 tables, with only one other | | | | Anxiety |
| waitress. The first day on the job I was handed an | | | | Obsessive behavior |
| apron, a pad of paper, and a pen; and told to get to | | | | If you notice one or more of these things occurring |
| work. I was given no guidance on how to wait tables. | | | | while participating in an activity with your child, s/he is |
| The restaurant became immediately busy, and I just | | | | most likely not feeling competent. Here are a few |
| started taking orders. Miraculously, I got the drinks out | | | | things you can do to build competence within activities. |
| to the right tables; but by the time the food orders | | | | Simplify the activity |
| were up, I had no idea where to go with the orders. I | | | | Slow down |
| started walking up to my tables and asking; "Did you | | | | Evaluate the number of distractions in the environment |
| order the shrimp basket?" "Please tell me that you | | | | Talk less |
| ordered the shrimp basket!" "Somebody from this table | | | | Demonstrate |
| must have ordered the shrimp basket!!!" As you can | | | | Develop clear roles for your child |
| imagine, my stress increased as the restaurant got | | | | Lower expectations |
| busier and I still had no idea where to bring the food! I | | | | Shorten the length of the activity |
| failed at my job that day, and was feeing completely | | | | Offer more support |
| incompetent as a waitress; especially when my boss | | | | Move in closer |
| told me how disappointed he was in me! | | | | Encourage |
| Developing competence is critical for wanting to | | | | If you are unsure of what may have caused the |
| reenter situations we have encountered in the past. If | | | | activity to fail, tape yourself and evaluate these things. |
| that day had gone differently, and my boss had guided | | | | You'll be amazed by what you learn about yourself. |
| me through the process of waiting tables, I would have | | | | Let's look back at my first day as a waitress: If my |
| felt competent as a waitress and returned with | | | | boss had implemented some of the strategies listed |
| excitement to work the next day. Instead, I was | | | | above, my first day would have been a completely |
| stressed and anxious and really did not want to go | | | | different experience! If I had been given only two |
| back! Fortunately, I was resilient and returned to work | | | | tables to wait on, the activity would have been |
| despite my instinct never to go back. The second day | | | | simplified and the pace would have been much slower. |
| went much better, as the night was slower and | | | | This would have also given my boss the opportunity to |
| another waitress demonstrated some essential | | | | demonstrate how to take an order, which would have |
| concepts to simplifying the process. | | | | offered me more support. His expectations would |
| So how do you know your child is feeling competent? | | | | have been lower for me, and I would have understood |
| Coping mechanisms appear differently in every child; | | | | my roles much better. We both would have felt better |
| but once you know what to look for, you can begin to | | | | about how the night went! |
| understand when your child is feeling stressed and | | | | Building competence in your child can be a lot of work |
| know how to respond appropriately. Here are several | | | | and a frustrating process; but with consistent guidance |
| common coping mechanisms to look for: | | | | and personal resilience, the efforts pay off. Once your |
| Running off | | | | child is feeling competent in entering new situations, you |
| Crying | | | | will find your interactions together becoming easier and |
| Uncontrollable giggles or laughing | | | | easier. Your child will also begin to show more |
| Talking with no relevance to the situation | | | | willingness to try new things and persevere for a |
| Telling the same story, saying the same phrase, or | | | | longer time when things become challenging. An |
| asking the same question | | | | upcoming article will discuss gradually adding variations |
| Defiance | | | | and elaborations into activities to make them |
| Attempts to control | | | | increasingly more complicated; therefore helping your |
| Acting bored | | | | child think more about his/her role and increasing his |
| Refusal to participate | | | | her competence in more difficult settings. |
| Aggression | | | | |