| "I need help! My 9 year old daughter has | | | | still claims of physical ailments, you have |
| started resisting school. She misses several | | | | two options; |
| days every week, complaining of tummy or head | | | | |
| aches. When I try to talk to her she screams | | | | Option one is to tell her she has to go to |
| and cries. She acts as if she's terrified to | | | | school. Of course if she shows symptoms of |
| go." | | | | real illness, you would keep her home. Simply |
| | | | "not feeling good" isn't a good enough reason |
| You need to be firm with her. Don't count on | | | | not to go. Adults go to work with headaches |
| the problem going away if you ignore it. She | | | | and other fairly minor ailments. |
| could end up not ever going back. | | | | |
| | | | The second option is to take her word for it |
| Still, you need to realize that her feelings | | | | and act accordingly. Since she is ill, she |
| are real. Showing anger won't help either of | | | | should be in bed. Turn off her lights, close |
| you. | | | | the curtains, and don't allow any TV or |
| | | | special snacks. Just go about your daily |
| You need to find out what is troubling her. | | | | routine and don't give her any attention. |
| It could be school phobia ( a fear of | | | | Make sure that being at home is as boring as |
| school), separation anxiety (fear of leaving | | | | can be. If she can't sleep, then she should |
| you or the home) or agoraphobia (fear of | | | | work on her studies. Don't allow any |
| crowds and public places). These are all very | | | | visitors. |
| real disorders. | | | | |
| | | | Along with this, set up clear incentives |
| Talk with her teachers. She might be having | | | | (rewards, privileges) for getting to school. |
| trouble on the way to school such as | | | | |
| bullying, embarrassment, or abused. These | | | | You must be tough and firm, but also calm, |
| things could also be happening once she gets | | | | about all of this. Be clear that you expect |
| to school. Identify the problems so that you | | | | her to be at school, but do not get into a |
| can work with her on them. | | | | fight with her about it. The goal is for her |
| | | | to want to get back as quickly as possible. |
| Make a doctor appointment for a complete | | | | Once there, and she discovers that nothing |
| examination. Explain the whole situation to | | | | does happen to her or to you while at school, |
| him so he can look for serious illness. | | | | the symptoms of depression and anxiety should |
| | | | rapidly resolve. |
| If he rules out an illness, then believe what | | | | |
| he says. Don't have a lot of expensive tests. | | | | If you have no luck with these techniques and |
| Assume that your child is physically well and | | | | fear that she may be seriously depressed or |
| needs to go to school. Keep assuring her | | | | anxious, then call your doctor for a |
| firmly and confidently that she'll be fine | | | | professional referral. |
| (and so will you) once she arrives. If she | | | | |