| "I need help! My 9 year old daughter has started | | | | (and so will you) once she arrives. If she still claims of |
| resisting school. She misses several days every week, | | | | physical ailments, you have two options; |
| complaining of tummy or head aches. When I try to | | | | Option one is to tell her she has to go to school. Of |
| talk to her she screams and cries. She acts as if she's | | | | course if she shows symptoms of real illness, you |
| terrified to go." | | | | would keep her home. Simply "not feeling good" isn't a |
| You need to be firm with her. Don't count on the | | | | good enough reason not to go. Adults go to work with |
| problem going away if you ignore it. She could end up | | | | headaches and other fairly minor ailments. |
| not ever going back. | | | | The second option is to take her word for it and act |
| Still, you need to realize that her feelings are real. | | | | accordingly. Since she is ill, she should be in bed. Turn |
| Showing anger won't help either of you. | | | | off her lights, close the curtains, and don't allow any TV |
| You need to find out what is troubling her. It could be | | | | or special snacks. Just go about your daily routine and |
| school phobia ( a fear of school), separation anxiety | | | | don't give her any attention. Make sure that being at |
| (fear of leaving you or the home) or agoraphobia (fear | | | | home is as boring as can be. If she can't sleep, then |
| of crowds and public places). These are all very real | | | | she should work on her studies. Don't allow any |
| disorders. | | | | visitors. |
| Talk with her teachers. She might be having trouble on | | | | Along with this, set up clear incentives (rewards, |
| the way to school such as bullying, embarrassment, or | | | | privileges) for getting to school. |
| abused. These things could also be happening once | | | | You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of |
| she gets to school. Identify the problems so that you | | | | this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but |
| can work with her on them. | | | | do not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for |
| Make a doctor appointment for a complete | | | | her to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once |
| examination. Explain the whole situation to him so he | | | | there, and she discovers that nothing does happen to |
| can look for serious illness. | | | | her or to you while at school, the symptoms of |
| If he rules out an illness, then believe what he says. | | | | depression and anxiety should rapidly resolve. |
| Don't have a lot of expensive tests. Assume that your | | | | If you have no luck with these techniques and fear |
| child is physically well and needs to go to school. Keep | | | | that she may be seriously depressed or anxious, then |
| assuring her firmly and confidently that she'll be fine | | | | call your doctor for a professional referral. |