| Do you have a teenager who is begging for more | | | | Be your teen's mentor for this process (as opposed to |
| freedom? Are you uncertain how much freedom is | | | | being their best friend). Support and encourage them; |
| too much during the teen years? Parenting teenagers | | | | go over where they failed and together strategize on |
| requires a parent to walk a fine line between | | | | new solutions they can try. |
| boundaries and letting go. Out of four children, I am | | | | -- Look ahead. |
| currently parenting my third teenager and I'd like to | | | | In our home, we look to the future and project, |
| share some simple guidelines that will soothe your | | | | approximately, when our teenagers are going to be |
| parental anxieties and help your home life be calmer. | | | | leaving home. For us, usually that's college age. They |
| -- Know your teen. | | | | need to be able to handle a considerable amount of |
| It's easy to say everyone is different; it's more difficult | | | | freedom (be pretty much independent) by the time |
| to describe, in detail, those differences. You will find | | | | they leave home. Then we work backwards and start |
| parenting teenagers less-stressful and your teen will | | | | looking for ways to grow them into that much |
| respond better to you if you spend serious time | | | | freedom step by step. |
| knowing your teenager. | | | | Since all teenagers are different, we've needed to be |
| Yes, this is called relationship and it's spelled T-I-M-E. | | | | flexible in the 'how' not the 'what'. We've had one teen |
| There's nothing new here. But are you doing this? Are | | | | who was always ahead of the process. He wanted |
| you building the relationship with your teenager that will | | | | total freedom upfront. So we established boundaries |
| last a lifetime? Here's a little test: think of your two | | | | (guidelines) he had to meet to EARN the freedoms he |
| best friends. Calculate how much time you spend | | | | eagerly wanted, one at a time. As he displayed the |
| weekly with each, whether in person, on the phone, or | | | | responsibility necessary to achieve those guidelines, |
| online. How does that amount of time stack up with | | | | we rewarded him with more freedom and explained |
| what you give your teen? | | | | the new boundaries at each level. |
| Another worthwhile relationship test is to think about | | | | Another of our teens needed coaxing to move |
| who knows you the best in the whole world. Who | | | | forward. So we looked for strategies that would |
| would you trust to go to when you have a problem? | | | | increase his self-confidence and cause him to look |
| You want your teen to think of you in this way. If | | | | forward with excitement. Again, boundaries were |
| you're not there, start building that today. | | | | discussed and implemented. He blossomed quickly |
| -- Acquiring freedom is a process. Not an event. | | | | when he discovered he was in charge of his own |
| Once you feel you have an accurate understanding of | | | | future. We were simply there to support, guide and |
| your teen, you can measure his or her maturity levels. | | | | provide a safety net (plus a whole lot of cheerleading). |
| This will tell you a lot about the amount of freedom | | | | Parenting teenagers is an exciting thrill ride that can be |
| your young adult is ready for. If the maturity level is still | | | | highly satisfying as you watch your young adult mature |
| young, give limited freedom. Be intentional about helping | | | | and be ready to face the world. As a parent you are |
| your teenager grow appropriately and add the desired | | | | building the future in vital ways through your influence in |
| freedoms at each level. | | | | your teen's life. As you stand up to that honorable |
| -- Practice. Learn from failures. Repeat. | | | | challenge, your teen will respond to your leadership. |
| That's the simple formula for parenting teenagers into | | | | That's when you realize you truly have built a |
| the adult world. It's the way we all grow and develop. | | | | wonderful relationship with your teenager. |