| The story of the Prodigal Son has always bothered | | | | prolonged custody struggle might result in a child with |
| me. It seemed to me that the loyal son, the one who | | | | behavior problems. If those behaviors were especially |
| stayed and helped the father, lost status when the | | | | challenging, say if the child is a boy who hits and |
| Prodigal son returned. That didn't seem fair. I had been | | | | swears, steals and lies, and if that boy only exhibits |
| reading the story from the perspective of a son. I think | | | | those behaviors toward his mother and looks just like |
| the lesson is from the perspective of the parent. | | | | the dad that cheated on her, then she might conclude |
| The father understood that his loyal son might have | | | | that he is a clone of the father and remove her |
| hard feelings. But he trusted that the relationship he | | | | nurture. |
| and his son had built through the years was strong | | | | The parent of the Prodigal Child understands that the |
| enough to withstand the stress of the moment. He | | | | obligations and the rewards of parenting are the same |
| also understood his obligation to his other son, the | | | | thing. They are not dependant upon outcome. The |
| Prodigal. | | | | parent gives whatever is necessary whenever it is |
| The role of the parent is to give whatever is | | | | needed. |
| necessary whenever it is needed. There is no | | | | The reason this is so important is because there is no |
| guarantee that giving results in a positive outcome. If it | | | | similar relationship. Every other relationship is in some |
| did many parents would withdraw support once they | | | | way contingent upon reciprocal relating. There is a give |
| determined that the child wasn't worth the effort. | | | | and take and an expectation of some sort of balance. |
| Parental giving is a sacrifice without expectation of | | | | Every other relationship has an escape clause |
| reward. Having some proof of the child's success, | | | | because in every other relationship one must look out |
| such as being on the "A" honor roll, and the resulting | | | | for self first. |
| pride in the child is a kind of reward received by the | | | | The story of the Prodigal Son gives the reason for this |
| parent. But many kids don't exhibit obvious successes | | | | as well. If we allow ourselves to become consumed |
| that can be measured. Being a giving, loving parent | | | | by another we would then lack the capacity to give |
| does not guarantee that the child will be successful or | | | | sufficiently to our children. We give whatever is |
| that the child will take the desired path. Being a giving, | | | | necessary whenever it is needed. In every other |
| loving parent does not guarantee that the parent will | | | | relationship we do what is possible to ensure that |
| receive the reward of pride in the child's success. | | | | reciprocal relating exists. When the reciprocity is lost, |
| In our current state of frequent divorce imagine the | | | | absent or un-repairable we must exit. We must |
| consequences if parental obligation was tied to the | | | | safeguard our resources in order to care for our |
| success or failure of the child. A painful divorce and | | | | children at those times when nobody else will. |