| It was a typical evening in our home. | | | | responded to me with respectful behavior, I |
| Arguments from my teenager, opposition from | | | | would say, "Wow, you just earned a sticker". |
| my preschooler - family dynamics that were | | | | I would put a sticker on the chart |
| driving me crazy. I don't remember quite | | | | immediately. Another important aspect of |
| what sent me over the edge. I do remember | | | | this type of system is that all family |
| reaching my limit. We've all been there. | | | | members are on the same page. Your |
| However, this time, for me, was different. | | | | expectations are the same for each child. If |
| Usually, I am a flexible and patient parent. | | | | you are trying to discourage hitting, for |
| Mrs. Incredible I was not this night. I was | | | | instance, no one is exempt. One might be |
| unwilling to stretch any further. In other | | | | tempted to be harder on an older child, and |
| words, I developed an immediate no-nonsense | | | | let a toddler slip by. This will discourage |
| attitude and set to work on putting in place | | | | your children if they are not treated fairly. |
| a new plan for my children.I decided my | | | | At the same time, your husband or any other |
| children need to understand what "honor and | | | | adult responsible for disciplining the |
| respect your parents" means. Sitting in | | | | children, must also understand and adhere to |
| front of my computer, I defined "respect" and | | | | the new plan. Make sure you are not in |
| "disrespect" in terms my children would | | | | disagreement with other adults in the home or |
| understand. Respect meant saying yes instead | | | | the children will be confused, and behavior |
| of no, listening fast instead of slow, saying | | | | changes will not happen.Now, I knew my four |
| okay and doing what I ask them to do, and | | | | year old would love stickers, but I wasn't so |
| dealing with their anger appropriately. | | | | sure about the ability of stickers to |
| Disrespectful behaviors, on the other hand, | | | | motivate my fourteen year old. Something |
| were talking back, arguing, and ignoring me, | | | | unexpected set into motion. Because I have |
| yelling or making demeaning remarks.Being | | | | two boys, the game soon became a competition |
| well educated in behavior management | | | | to get tons of stickers. There was even a |
| techniques, I set out to create a chart that | | | | little healthy competition between the two of |
| would be used to reward and discipline | | | | them to act respectfully. Now, of course, |
| respectful and disrespectful behaviors. At | | | | they tested me to see if I was really serious |
| the top of the chart was the big title, | | | | about penalties for disrespect. They learned |
| "Honor and Respect Your Parents". Underneath | | | | the hard way that I was not going to tolerate |
| the title were the definitions of respect and | | | | disrespect. A few check marks were issued, |
| disrespect. A behavior management chart is | | | | but the most exhilarating result was that I |
| not complete without the rewards and | | | | am finally hearing two beautiful words most |
| penalties. The penalty for disrespect was an | | | | of the time: "OKAY MOM". What a change has |
| automatic check mark and a loss of 4 hours of | | | | taken place in our home. Our environment is |
| video/computer/TV time. The penalty can be | | | | more positive and peaceful. The children are |
| whatever one wants. The important thing is | | | | learning an extremely important life lesson. |
| that it is immediate and painful for the | | | | We have since graduated from "Honor and |
| child. I am not advocating physical pain - | | | | respect your parents" to "Honor and respect |
| just taking away something that is important | | | | everyone". This cuts down on sibling |
| to the child. On my chart, the reward for | | | | disputes and teaches children that everyone |
| respectful behavior was a sticker. Five | | | | is worthy of respect.This type of behavior |
| stickers was equivalent to one hour of | | | | management system can be used with any type |
| special privilege time. The chart was | | | | of child behavior you are trying to change. |
| divided into 4 sections because I have two | | | | Define for your children what the desired and |
| children. The top half was reserved for my | | | | undesirable behavior look like. Institute a |
| teenager and the bottom half was for my | | | | rewards and consequences program that fits |
| preschooler. Each of them had two sections - | | | | your children. Notice and reward the desired |
| one for respect and one for disrespect. | | | | behavior every time you see it. Immediately |
| After explaining to my children what was | | | | and consistently issue a consequence for the |
| expected of them and how things were going to | | | | undesirable behavior. Success depends on |
| work, we put the new program into place.Now, | | | | rewarding the good often, making the |
| it is very easy to recognize disrespectful | | | | consequences for the bad painful, and |
| behavior because it is annoying and | | | | CONSISTENCY! Soon, you too, may hear music |
| challenging. However, it is more important | | | | in your ears or see beauty from your |
| to notice the respectful behavior if you are | | | | eyes.Lori Radun, CEC - certified life coach |
| going to make changes in your children. This | | | | for moms. |
| is what I did. Every single time my children | | | | |