Through The Eyes of A Foster Child

Through The Eyes of A Foster Childyours
Free your mind and imagine that you are 2, 5, 10 or 13Allow me to break this down a little further . . .
years old and you're playing with your favorite toy,You say that your foster son or daughter will not have
video game or something that you really enjoy. All of asex until she is 18 or out of your house. And you say
sudden, there's a knock on the door (knock, knock,this, believing that you have control over what goes on
knock). Your parent reluctantly opens the door and inwith that child. I'm going to tell you straight, like it is in
walks a nicely dressed lady. The lady briefly speaks totheir world. They hear you, but are they listening to you.
your parents, then walks over to you and says thatSome of these children have already been abused
you need to go with her. You don't know where you'reand feel that all they ever had has been taken from
going, but your parents think it's ok. As you are leaving,them. I'm sorry to say, but the one thing you cannot
you notice your parents walking behind -carrying atake from them . . . their right to decide how they use
packed suitcase. At this point, you don't understandtheir body. You can scream about religion until hell
what's happening; your heart starts to beat fast, youfreezes over. You cannot control what they have
want to ask where you are going but you are afraid.already made up their mind to do. Instead, it is your
You take a deep breath and say, "Where am I going?"responsibility as parents, teachers, and counselors to
The nicely dressed lady looks at you and replies, "Youeducate your children as well as foster children about
are going to a nice home to live with a wonderfulthe pitfalls of being sexually active at an early age.
family." Your mind starts to travel, "What did I doHowever, if you keep closing the blinds, the light will
wrong? Will I see my friends again? Will I go to thenever shine through. Don't be afraid to talk to them
same school?"about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases.
Now, imagine that:My sister, Theresa and I both learned from the streets.
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Since 1995 SEO/SEM tools, training, and professional14 and 15, my sister Theresa, even earlier. Yes, we
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affordable rates.As foster children, we experience special occasions
You are living in a different environmentsuch as holidays and find them especially difficult. We
The culture of your family is differentdon't really look forward to them and can't stop them
You have to follow new rulesfrom coming. We see kids with their families, and wish
You share a bedroom with someone you don't knowthat it were us. We lie in bed at night and ask "why
You eat different foods than you normally eatme?" I often asked that question as a child. I didn't get
You go to a different schoolmy answer until age 39; to be able to tell the world
You attend another place of worshipthat we exist; that we also belong. I now find myself in
Your friends are many miles awaya position to assist other foster children in ways that I
At this moment, all that you have ever known haswas not assisted. 1G-d does things in His own time.
been taken from you; everything, except your name.When I was young, I resented my bio-parents for what
This scenario is played over and over for the manythey had done and often my foster parents for what
children that are faced with entering foster care.they didn't do. As I've matured, I've come to accept the
Sometimes, we are given a second chance in life; thehand that I was dealt and often view the negative
opportunity to come full circle. What we do with whatevents in my life as stepping-stones to my future. I
is offered, is totally up to us and no one else. Being awas fortunate to have been raised with my sister,
foster child is not what we choose to be; butTheresa. She was only 18 months and I was 2 years
something that has been chosen for us. I often see usold at the time that we entered foster care. This is not
as "a product of the system", viewing the worldalways the situation for foster children. There are
differently than others may view it. In our world, I'vemany who do not know where their siblings are or if
often seen pain, mistrust, abuse and even hatred. Wethey have any siblings at all. When I was older, I
are given a stigma that is hard to shake. Words arelearned that I had another sister, Tracy. She is the
spoken to us that hurt to the core. We, in turn, createyoungest of the three of us. Recently, at age 41, I
our own world where we find that little piece of love,discovered that I have several other brothers and
happiness or stability that was taken or absent in oursisters which I had the opportunity of meeting in late
lives. We use this as our defense mechanism.2003.
Whether it benefits or harms us, this is the world weFor those of you that are fortunate enough to have
create; one which I've created. My world was in theyour own children or foster children, this is the time to
basement of my foster parent's home; where I choselook at them, even if they are not "a product of the
to spend many hours in front of a small black andsystem," and tell them how much you care. Don't let
white television set.them have to wonder if they will ever find parents to
As foster children we want to belong, to be loved andlove them. Don't let them go into a world that will do
to have our existence acknowledged. We want tomore harm than good. You could be the parent that
belong in a world where we are like your own children,they are seeking, the parent that will put them on the
your own relatives. We wish to belong to a family thatright path. Be the parent that says, "I love you"; no
says I am theirs no matter what. We don't want pity,matter what has happened or will happen throughout
we don't need pity; we just want to be loved andtheir life. Every time you look at your child and say
cared for without the presence of mistreatment,how much you care it helps. When they don't have to
misrepresentation or dismissal. Here's a little realitywonder if they will ever find parents to love them, it
check for you. You say that your child "will not do this",lets them know that you will always be there for them.
"will not do that" because they are living in your house,When they go out into the world and find people that
under your roof and in a religious home. I've got newsare good to them, it helps. Every child will have a story
for you, you need to wake up and wake up fast. Thisto tell. Whatever story it is; it will depend partly on you.
is not the 60's or 70's where everything moved a lotWill they tell the story of hate, sorrow, mistrust and
slower. Many of these foster children have beenpain? Or, will it be one of love, a story of someone
abused, seen abuse and in their minds feel that -that made a difference in his or her life. For those of
1. They cannot trust you or anyone elseyou that have entered my life to show my family of
2. You really can't tell them what to do - you can onlybrothers and sisters love, how much you care, and
asktreated us like we do exist, thank you for making a
3. Your home is just temporary like all the rest beforedifference in our lives.