| Traditionally, holidays are depicted as a special time of | | | | the holidays. Often parents feel guilty about how hard |
| the year for families to be together. However, when a | | | | divorce can be for kids. Sometimes we may react to |
| divorce or separation occurs, many parents and | | | | that guilt by overindulging our children with gifts during |
| children find themselves feeling confused, disappointed, | | | | the holidays. |
| conflicted and frustrated. During this time of the year, it | | | | Avoid getting into a gift competition with your ex or |
| is important to remember special occasions do not | | | | purchasing gifts for your children that you know the |
| have to be emotionally stressful provided parents are | | | | other parent wouldn't approve of or want in their |
| able to put their children's needs first. | | | | home. When possible, try to coordinate gift choices |
| Listed below are some pointers on how to make your | | | | with the other parent. |
| celebration season less stressful for you and your kids. | | | | ¯ Give gifts with no strings attached. Even though |
| ¯ Realize that you may need to adjust your | | | | it can sometimes be very difficult, allow your children to |
| expectations. | | | | decide at which home they would like to keep their |
| ¯ Try to stay focused on your children's needs | | | | gifts. |
| and how your decisions regarding the holidays will | | | | ¯ Try to maintain a sense of humor and stay |
| directly impact them. Think about what kinds of | | | | flexible. Sometimes plans may need to be altered or |
| memories you want them to have this holiday season | | | | revised to accommodate your children's needs. Don't |
| and what will be most important to them. | | | | sweat the small stuff. When faced with a decision |
| ¯ Keep children informed about plans. | | | | about changing plans it may help to ask yourself what |
| ¯ Children need to know where they are going to | | | | difference will this make one year from now? |
| be for special occasions and with whom. Support your | | | | ¯ Use times when you are not with your children |
| children having contact with the other parent or | | | | in a positive way. Spending the holidays without your |
| extended family members during their special time with | | | | children can be difficult. Make plans with close friends, |
| you. | | | | family members or take time to do something special |
| ¯ Avoid conflict with the other parent. | | | | for yourself. |
| ¯ Remember what's most important to children is | | | | ¯ If this your first holiday minimize tension for your |
| not who they spend their special day with, but rather | | | | children as much as possible. |
| that their parents are not fighting about who they will | | | | ¯ Don't make children responsible for |
| be with for the holidays. While sharing the holiday can | | | | communicating events to the other parent for the |
| be challenging, for the sake of children, pick your | | | | holidays. Only engage in cooperative activities with the |
| battles carefully and try to minimize tensions. | | | | other parent, like opening presents Christmas morning, |
| ¯ If you are traveling with the children, provide the | | | | if it will be a positive experience for children. It is |
| other parent with information. It is always a good idea | | | | essential that conflict or tension between parents be |
| to let the other parent know if you are going to be | | | | managed appropriately. |
| traveling with the children during the holiday season. | | | | ¯ If you are not the parent who is with your |
| Provide the other parent with details of when and | | | | children for the holidays, use this time to care for |
| where the children will be, as well as, how they can | | | | yourself and let your kids know you will be okay. Kids |
| contact them while you are away from home. | | | | will worry how you are going to handle the holidays. |
| ¯ Help your children make or buy gifts for their | | | | Reassure them that even though this holiday will be |
| other parent. Children need to experience the joy of | | | | different, you will be okay. Encourage them to have a |
| giving and it also sends a message to your children | | | | good time with the other parent. |
| that you support their relationship with the other parent. | | | | ¯ If you have the children for the holiday, be |
| ¯ Allow children the opportunity to talk about past | | | | aware they might miss the parent they are not with |
| holidays. Remember children have a right to good | | | | now or for the holidays. Holidays are traditionally |
| memories of their family before the divorce or | | | | viewed as special time spent with family, which may |
| separation. Make sure you support their feelings about | | | | stir up lots of feelings for your children. Make sure they |
| how things have changed. | | | | can call or talk to the other parent to wish them a |
| ¯ Let children know that even though the holidays | | | | happy holiday. |
| will be different, they can still be special. Invite children | | | | ¯ Focus on rebuilding a sense of family. |
| to help establish new holiday rituals with you. It's okay | | | | ¯ Talk with children about what makes the |
| to have different ways of celebrating the holidays in | | | | holidays special for them and discuss how you can |
| each home. You may also want to talk with them | | | | enjoy your time together. Remember time spent with |
| about previous traditions and brainstorm with your | | | | children does not have to be extravagant. It's not |
| children ways to combine old and new traditions. | | | | about what you spend, but rather how the time is |
| ¯ Try not to let guilt get the best of you during | | | | spent. |