| Our children deserve to learn important | | | | for a family member who is sick, are |
| lessons from us and to acquire important | | | | chosen freely. And it includes tolerance |
| habits with our help. They need help in | | | | for people who do not share our beliefs |
| learning what matters to us. We want our | | | | or likes or dislikes, as long as they do |
| children to grow up to be responsible | | | | not harm others. |
| adults. We want them to learn to feel, | | | | These habits are especially important |
| think, and act with respect for | | | | because many of the wrongs people commit |
| themselves and for other people. We want | | | | result from indifference to the |
| them to pursue their own well-being, | | | | suffering they cause. |
| while also being considerate of the | | | | Honesty |
| needs and feelings of others. | | | | Honesty means telling the truth. It |
| Today, there is wide recognition that | | | | means not misleading others for our own |
| many of our children are not learning to | | | | benefit. It also means trying to make |
| act responsibly while they are young. | | | | decisions, especially important ones, on |
| Studies show that many children see | | | | the basis of evidence rather than |
| nothing wrong with cheating on tests. | | | | prejudice. Honesty includes dealing with |
| Some see nothing wrong with taking | | | | other people and being honest with |
| things that don't belong to them. | | | | ourselves. |
| If proper attitudes and behavior are not | | | | To understand the importance of being |
| learned early, problems can mushroom | | | | truthful to others, our children need to |
| with even worse consequences when | | | | learn that living together depends on |
| children are older. As crime has | | | | trust. Without honesty, trusting each |
| increased, teen-age offenders have shown | | | | other becomes impossible. |
| less and less feeling for their victims. | | | | Honesty with ourselves involves faring |
| But even for the youngsters who will | | | | up to our own mistakes and biases, even |
| never commit a crime, it is better to | | | | when we have to admit them to others. It |
| learn responsibility when they are | | | | includes self-criticism. The point is to |
| young, rather than when they are older | | | | learn from our errors and to do our best |
| and they have to change bad habits. | | | | to correct them, not to dwell on them. |
| Many parents will also want to share | | | | Courage |
| with their children deeply held | | | | Courage is taking a position and doing |
| religious and moral convictions as a | | | | what is right, even at the risk of some |
| foundation for ethical behavior. This | | | | loss. It means being neither reckless |
| booklet discusses habits of fairness, | | | | nor cowardly, but faring up to our |
| respect, courage, honesty, and | | | | duties. It includes physical courage, |
| compassion that responsible people | | | | intellectual courage to make decisions |
| share, and it can be used by parents | | | | on the basis of evidence, and moral |
| with different beliefs. | | | | courage to stand up for our principles. |
| As parents, we can give our children the | | | | Courage does not mean never being |
| best in us by helping them acquire | | | | afraid. It can involve trying to |
| habits and character traits that they | | | | overcome our fears, such as a fear of |
| can rely on in their own lives. If we | | | | the dark. But our children also need to |
| help them lean to take pleasure in | | | | learn that sometimes it is all right to |
| thinking and behaving well, they will | | | | be afraid. |
| have the best chance to lead good lives | | | | Daddy, a man showed us money by the |
| as individuals and as citizens in the | | | | school playground today. |
| community. This will be true no matter | | | | What did you do? |
| what unpleasant situations or bad | | | | We ran for the teacher. |
| influences they come across. | | | | Why did you do that? |
| What Do We Mean by Responsibility? | | | | We were scared. You and Mommy and our |
| None of us is born acting responsibly. A | | | | teacher Mrs. Jones said never take |
| responsible character is formed over | | | | anything from grownups we don't know. |
| time. It is made up of our outlook and | | | | Run away. Go and tell somebody we know. |
| daily habits associated with feelings, | | | | Good for you. It was right to be scared. |
| thoughts, and actions. Responsible | | | | Lots of people are nice, but some are |
| people act the way they should whether | | | | very mean. They can hurt you. The mean |
| or not anyone is watching. They do so | | | | ones sometimes try to fool people by |
| because they understand that it's right | | | | pretending to be nice. Now, tell me, |
| and because they have the courage and | | | | what did the man look like? |
| self-control to act decently, even when | | | | Courage becomes especially important by |
| tempted to do otherwise. | | | | the time children become teenagers. They |
| We want our children to appreciate the | | | | often have to stand up against peer |
| importance of being responsible. We also | | | | pressure to do the wrong thing, such as |
| want them to develop the habits and | | | | using drugs. |
| strength to act this way in their | | | | Self-Control |
| everyday lives. Learning to be | | | | Self-control is the ability to resist |
| responsible includes learning to | | | | inappropriate behavior in order to act |
| * respect and show compassion for | | | | responsibly. It relates to all of the |
| others; | | | | different aspects of responsibility |
| * practice honesty as a matter of | | | | mentioned so far, including respect and |
| course; | | | | compassion for others, honesty, and |
| * show courage in standing up for our | | | | courage. It involves persistence and |
| principles; | | | | sticking to long-term commitments. It |
| * develop self-control in acting on our | | | | also includes dealing effectively with |
| principles; | | | | emotions, such as anger, and developing |
| * maintain self-respect. | | | | patience. |
| Respect and Compassion for Others | | | | Self-Respect |
| As part of being responsible, children | | | | People with self-respect take |
| need to respect and show concern for the | | | | satisfaction in appropriate behavior and |
| well-being of other people. Respect | | | | hard-won accomplishments. They don't |
| ranges from using basic manners to | | | | need to put others down or have a lot of |
| having compassion for the suffering of | | | | money in order to respect themselves. |
| others. Compassion is developed by | | | | People who respect themselves also view |
| trying to see things from the point of | | | | selfishness, loss of self-control, |
| view of others, and learning that their | | | | recklessness, cowardice, and dishonesty |
| feelings resemble our own. | | | | as wrong and unworthy of them. As they |
| Daddy, why was Grandma crying? | | | | mature, if they have learned the lessons |
| She is very sad. One of her closest | | | | of responsibility, they will develop a |
| friends just died. Come and sit with me. | | | | good conscience to guide them. |
| Do you remember how you felt when your | | | | In addition, people who respect |
| gerbil, Whiskers, died? | | | | themselves respect their own health and |
| I felt sad and lonely. | | | | safety. Similarly, they are unwilling to |
| I'm sure Grandma feels that way, too. | | | | be manipulated by others. Patience or |
| Maybe you can think of a way to help | | | | tolerance does not mean allowing others |
| her. | | | | to mistreat us. |
| I could give her a hug... | | | | While we help children have high |
| That's a great idea! I'm really glad you | | | | standards for themselves, we also need |
| thought of it. | | | | to let them know that failure is no |
| Respect for others also includes the | | | | embarrassment when we have done our |
| habit of treating people fairly as | | | | best. For example, losing a game when we |
| individuals, regardless of race, sex, or | | | | have played our best, and our opponents |
| ethnic group. As we mature, respect | | | | have simply played better, is no |
| includes realizing that not all our | | | | disgrace. |
| obligations to others, such as caring | | | | |